Who The Hell Is Allen?
by MarburyBlur
Summary: After an accident in the Science Department, Allen gets de-aged to the point where he hasn't even met Mana yet. How will the Order's members keep the foul-mouthed, short-tempered yet frightened Red in one room, let alone under control? Will the exorcists realize how little they know about the white-haired Allen? Kidfic. Child!Allen.
1. Chapter 1

**Remember that Red has a British accent and so when you are reading it, have the accent in your mind.**

* * *

"Um...is Lenalee here?" Allen stood in the doorway of the Science Department, blinking at the pandemonium. Multiple fires were blazing at different stations, scientists ran around screaming, and Reever was frantically trying to stop...something from happening.

Johnny ran past, carrying a bucket of water as he saw the confused Allen standing in the doorway. "Allen! I'm so glad you're here! Help us!" With that, Johnny shoved the bucket into the white-haired exorcist's hands and ran off to get another. Still lost, Allen decided to just go with it (the unofficial motto of the Science Department). He ran over to the biggest flame and tossed the water on to it, handing the bucket off to some unnamed scientist as he looked around for the source of the loudest screams. He quickly decided that Reever's area needed the most help, and jogged over to assess the situation.

"Reever!" Allen yelled along with the subject of his original mission, Lenalee. They quickly glanced at each other and saw that they both had had the same idea.

"Oh, Lenalee, Allen! I'm so glad you guys are here! Komui had 'invented' a coffee bomb that was _supposed_ to release aerosolized caffeine into the air, but instead released highly volatile particles, which made everything explode!" Reever took a breath and looked back to the substance on the table, which was glowing purple, and releasing a dark gas. "One of those particles got into the Teveceer* and I have no idea what will happen if it explodes." The scientist froze as the concoction glowed even brighter.

"Oh, shit! HIT THE DECK!" Reever yelled. Obviously, the Science Department had done this before, because all of the scientists immediately flipped over tables and desks (the ones that weren't on fire) and crouched down.

"Lenalee!" Allen realized she hadn't moved, either too stunned or curious. He did the only thing he could think and grabbed her, with his back to the oncoming explosion, completely unprotected.

And then...boom.

It wasn't an explosion with flames; it was more of a splattering of liquids, covering everything in sight with a fine mist of purple and gold chemicals. It seemed vaguely anticlimactic until the chemicals started evaporating, releasing such large amounts of steam that it became impossible to breathe, let alone see.

"C'mon, everyone! Clear out!" Reever yelled over the general sizzling of the chemicals. A huge wave of scientists separated Lenalee and Allen and carried the former away.

"Allen!" she called out. The Dark Boots accomadator struggled, but found that she was no match against the wave of panicking nerds. She got shoved out into the hallway, where she instantly spotted Reever, who was trying to calm down the mass clamoring. "Reever! Allen's still in there!" she yelled. Somehow, the department head heard her and started shoving a path back to the door. _Seriously, since when were there so many damned scientists here?_

Lenalee met up with Reever at the door and put her hand over her mouth, blocking out the steam. Quickly, they ran inside, peering through the slowly dissipating cloud.

"Allen? Allen, are you in here? Allen!" Lenalee called out. She had lost sight of Reever, and could only hope she wouldn't step on him or Allen. She was frustrated, struggling through the room and was about to leave when she heard a loud, "Oh, shit!"

"Reever? What happened?"

"Oh, _shit_! Meet me outside, Lenalee!" The only thing she could do was obey, and she ran outside. She got there before Reever who followed her through the door, holding something in his arms.

Lenalee's eyes widened as she saw him. "Is that...?" She stared at Reever as the scientist shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't know. It might be...but I really don't know. We need to take him to Komui." With that, the two ran off to the chief's office.

Reever delicately carried a thin, grungy boy in his arms, with red-brown hair and blue-gray eyes...and an unscarred face.

.o.

He woke up slowly, trying to blink the grogginess out of his eyes. His whole body tingled, and he shivered as he felt a cold, hard surface underneath him, covered in...papers? He looked around and saw he was laying on a paper covered desk in a paper covered room. As he made a low groaning noise, he was instantly assaulted by the image of a pretty asian girl. His ears felt muffled, but he soon heard a faint voice, probably coming from the girl.

"Allen? Allen are you alright? How do you feel?" He quickly blinked and sat up, backing away from the girl.

"Allen, what's wrong?" she asked as she reached a hand out to touch his shoulder. With reflexes honed by experience, he did a back handspring out of the way and landed perfectly on the floor. He looked around the room, spotting six possible attackers, including the girl. A ginger with an eye patch; a pissed looking girl with long dark hair; a vampire-looking wimp; a stressed out, blonde, normal-looking guy; an asian man with glasses and a lab coat; and the asian girl with two greenish-black pigtails. Then he realized something, and spoke his mind.

"Where the bloody 'ell are my pants?" he shouted at his kidnappers. All he was wearing was a huge shirt, which (fortunately) had sleeves that went down to his knees and completely swallowed his hands. Most importantly, his left hand.

He didn't even bother to register the look of shock on the six bastards' faces as he turned and ran out the door, thanking their stupidity.

* * *

***Teveceer-some made-up bullshit that's supposed to sound like science**


	2. Chapter 2

**British Accent Lessons: In brit accents, most 't's are silent, like "wa'er bo'le" instead of 'water bottle'. And 'er's are schwa, or pronounced like 'uh'. 'Doctor' ='doctuh'. And when there're 'l's at the end of a word, it's usually pronounced like a 'w'. 'Fill' = 'fiw'. 'H's are sometimes silent. I'm not gonna write it all though, cuz then you might not understand any of it. But keep it in mind.**

* * *

"Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap! Where the 'ell am I? How the 'ell did I even _get_ 'ere...wherevuh 'here' is! I need to get out!" The little boy ran down hallway after hallway, looking for arrows, or an exit sign, or something! Soon, his tiny legs trembled from exhaustion (and fear), but not before he had already run to the other side of the Order. Knowing he had to hide while he caught his breath, he went down one more hallway, one that was a dead end and as good a place to hide as any.

He curled up in the corner with his backs to the wall so he could keep watch. He was on high alert and still shaking. Allowing himself a small break, he rested his forehead on his knees and muttered, "My life is always fucked up."

He jumped to his feet as he heard a gruff, disinterested voice grumble, "Tch. You aren't the only one."

.o.

Kanda was pissed. He had been forced into that damned Komui's pack-rat office for a boring information briefing. If they weren't going on a mission, why did they need to learn all of this?

And then Reever and Lenalee had burst through the doors...

*FLASHBACK*

"Komui! We need your help!" Reever gasped as he ran up to the cluttered desk, holding the young boy.

"Who is that?" Komui stood up and gestured for Reever to put the boy on the desk.

"I-I think it's Allen." Reever looked completely freaked out and guilty as he began telling the story of how the nerds' lab exploded. (Kanda wasn't really paying attention.)

"Do you think Moyashi's gonna be alright?" Lavi asked as he peered down at the sleeping child.

"Yes, I think this is temporary, but we're gonna do some tests when he wakes up," Komui said as he got a stethoscope and started checking the boy's pulse. Getting what he needed, Komui turned back to his desk, just as the boy's eyes fluttered open.

"Look! He's waking up!" Krory shouted even though he was fairly close to everyone else.

"Give him some space," Lavi said as the child made a soft moaning sound.

"Allen? Allen are you alright? How do you feel?" Lenalee asked as she stepped closer. Immediately, the boy sat up and scrambled to the other side of the desk. Everyone sported a worried expression; even Kanda had a ghost of a frown (not that he'd ever admit it). Lenalee tried again, much gentler this time. "Allen, what's wrong?" She stretched out a hand to him, and in the blink of an eye, back-flipped off the table and landed gracefully. His expression was akin to that of a wild animal. He quickly scanned the room and then glanced at his legs.

"Where the bloody 'ell are ma pants?" he shouted. Everyone was completely stunned; this wasn't Allen, this was some other random kid. Nobody had even realized he had left the room until the door swung shut.

Snapping out of his stupor, Komui pointed at the door and yelled in a cliche manner, "Get him!"

*FLASHBACK END*

And now, Kanda was being forced to play hide-and-seek with this brat. He sighed to himself and was about to leave when he heard a quiet sigh, and a muttered bemoan. 'Might as well.' Kanda thought to himself.

"Tch. You aren't the only one." The swordsman glared down at the boy in distaste as he jumped to his feet.

His surprise forgotten, the boy cried out, " 'oly shit! You're a bloke!" A tick mark sprang on Kanda's head as his glare intensified. But, to his credit, the boy didn't even flinch.

"Just cuz you're a brat right now, I'll beat you up later, Moyashi," Kanda sneered. He missed the flinch the boy gave at his choice of words

"Wha' the 'ell is a 'moyashi'? Is it your catchphrase or some'in'? No' a very catchy catchphrase, now is it?" The child matched Kanda's sneer and raised it one.

"You. You are a moyashi, Moyashi. It means bean sprout." Kanda was already tired of talking to this dense brat.

"I think I'd rathuh be a bean sprou' than a tranny, tha's fo' sure." The boy was trying to stall the he-man as he looked for any possible escape route. Finding none, he began thinking up a plan to fight, almost all of them ending with the he-man standing over him in triumph. He focused on the present as the tranny started talking.

"Tch. Whatever." No. He's not allowed to kill Moyashi, especially when he's in Brat-form. Don't kill. Don't kill. Don't pull out Mugen and stab him in the face. No. Bad, Kanda. "Let's go." He reached towards Brat-Moyashi, who then violently flinched away from the hand that meant to grab him. On reflex, the boy glanced for an escape and, upon seeing none, backed into the corner and curled in on himself, protecting his face, stomach, and neck, as he anticipated a beating.

"What are you doing? Stop that." This position he put himself into probably would've made it easier for Kanda to retrieve him and get this over with, but he couldn't take advantage of such a pathetic brat.

"Stop wha'? Stop protectin' m'self? Are ya stupid or some'in? Why would I make it easiuh fo' ya ta beat me?" The little boy sounded extremely pissed for someone who was mumbling into his knees. And yet, under that fire, Kanda detected fear, and a lot of it. But it was almost like a bored fear, like he had done this routine hundreds of times. That was wrong. Kanda knew it was wrong. Too bad he didn't care.

"Fine. Be like that," Kanda huffed. With that, he grabbed the little boy under his armpits and throw him over his shoulder, albeit much gentler than he would've done with anyone else (Kanda will deny these claims and kill whoever made said claims). Instantly, the child began protesting.

"Wha' the 'ell are ya doin', ya wazzock! Put me the fuck down!" The child kicked Kanda's chest and punched his back to make for an overall annoying walk.

"Why would I put you down? My mission is to take you to back; that's what I'm doing, Moyashi." Kanda restrained himself from cursing at the child, even though the child had no such qualms.

"I'm...I'm no' wearin' any pants..." the child said in such a soft tone, it surprised the samurai. "A-and ya can' jus' sling me ovuh ya shoulduh; I'm not a sack o' potatoes! Now put me down, ya bloody fuckin' arse!"

What Kanda would give for some earplugs, which is to say, nothing; he'd probably just threaten/kill whoever was holding them.


	3. Chapter 3

Screaming and cursing the entire way, Kanda finally made it back to Komui's office, where the others were already gathered.

"Why was I the only one looking for him?" Kanda grumbled loudly.

"We were," Lavi chuckled. "But we heard him screaming 'tranny' so we assumed you had him."

"I-I didn't know Allen even _knew_ those kinds of words," Krory fretted.

"Don't get your hopes up; this might not even be Allen," Komui unassured.

"Who else could it be? We double-checked the Science Department and Allen definitely wasn't in there," Reever countered.

"There are ways to check," Lenalee suggested.

"No bloody fuckin' way are ya gonna stick needles in me!" the boy shouted. The others realized that he had grown quiet throughout the conversation. "Put me down, ya he-man, before I cut off all o' ya girl hair and feed it ta ya!"

Kanda obliged and roughly threw him to the floor. He got disapproving looks from all of the others in the room. "Just be glad I haven't killed him," the samurai growled before stalking out of the room, slamming the door shut.

"Reever, stand at the door," Komui ordered, just as the child started to make a break for it. Reever dove in front of him and stuck out his hands to catch the boy, but unnecessarily. The boy stopped just out of reach and began cussing at the grown man.

"Let me the fuck outta here, or I swear I will find ya in ya sleep an' kill ya!" It was hard to take an eight-year-old yelling death threats very seriously, but the murderous gaze sent shivers down Reever's spine.

The child flinched as hands grabbed him from behind, but it was too late to escape. He protected his neck with his hands as he felt something he had never felt before: a hug.

Lavi squeezed baby Allen in his arms as he squealed like a little girl. "Chibi-Beanie is so _cute_ when he cusses!" He held the boy at arms length and stared as if trying to soak up the adorability. Then he pulled him back to his chest and hugged him again. _God, this boy is thin. I'll take him to Jerry right after this._

Lavi heard a muffled voice coming from his shoulder. He looked down at the boy who was staring up at him with confusion in his blue-gray eyes.

"Wha'...wha' are ya doin' ta me?" The way he asked it was heart-wrenching; as if he'd never been hugged before. Then Lavi recalled things about the boy's demeanor: the flinching, the thinness, the defensive position he always took when someone made a sudden movement. Chances were, he _HASN'T_ been hugged before. Lavi quickly sobered and set the boy on the desk. "Allen, have you never been hugged before?" He ignored the shocked noises of his friends around him as he stared into the boys steely eyes.

The boy scoffed and ruffled his hair with his right hand, trying to appear at ease, but the bookman-in-training could tell that he was like a loaded gun, liable to go off at any time. "Wha's it to ya? It's no' like ya care. And who the 'ell is this 'Allen' bloke all o' ya arses keep goin' on abou'? My name's no' Allen, if tha's wha' ya thinkin'."

"Then, what is your name?" Lenalee stood next to Lavi and stared down at the boy.

"Don' got one." Nobody missed the slightly depressed tone his voice took.

"C'mon," Krory joined the other two. "Someone must have called you something at some time," the vampire prodded gently.

"Yeah, yeah now tha' ya mention it, some people call me some'in." The boy inwardly sneered at the hopeful look the three fools got on their face.

"What did they call you?" _Oh, grea'. Now Mistuh Glasses is ovuh here too. With _pity _on 'is face. This is why I 'ate people. They pity ya one second and try ta burn ya at the stake the nex'...Boy, am I a wazzock. Every time people see my 'and, they kick me out. Well, aftuh bea'in' me. But as long as I ge' ou' o' this damned nuthouse, I'm fine with tha'._

"They called me Monstuh." The child smiled at the look of pure horror and shock on their faces. Now, time to get his ticket out of here. What's one more bruise? "Ya wanna know why?" He used his right hand to pull up his left, seeing as how it was still mostly paralyzed. He rolled up the sleeve so that the hard red skin and black nails could be clearly seen. Now all he had to do was wait for the fists and he would be able to go and find his circus.

The asian girl leaned forward, and he instinctively cringed away, a fact not missed by anyone in the room. He waited, but when the boy didn't feel any punches, he looked up at the girl who was staring at his face. Her lip was trembling and a tear rolled down her face.

.o.

Holy shit, Allen's past seems like a hell. Lavi had no idea any of this had happened. And now that the bookman _did_ know, he was still completely lost as to how Allen can still smile every day.

The ginger focused on the child again as he used one arm to pull up the other (duly noted). And there was Komui's proof that it _WAS_ Allen, in all of its red, Innocence-y glory. As Lenalee leaned forward, it was obvious that Chibi Beanie was expecting to get hit. Lavi cursed himself for missing the fact that baby Allen was probably expecting to get kicked out and that was exactly the reason why he even bothered to show his arm. He sure was a cunning little devil. He looked back at the kid who had started staring at Lenalee. Baby Allen had a horribly confused and slightly frightened look on his face. A tear fell to the floor from Lenalee's cheek, and everything was clear.

"Wha'-wha' are ya doin'? Stop tha'. Why are ya cryin'?" The brat had a soul after all. Said brat looked up at the others in the room, nothing in his world making sense. Lavi could practically see his thoughts. _Why aren't they attacking me? Why aren't they disgusted? Why is this chick crying?_

"Stop it!" Lenalee just kept staring at Baby Allen and he looked like he was about to explode from weirdness. Finally, he just used his right hand to gently shove Lenalee's face away. That seemed to snap her out of her stupor and she leaned forward trying to give him a hug, and comfort him. But it did the opposite, and the little boy did another back-hand-spring thing and flipped off of the table. Apparently acrobatics are good for dodging attacks (duly noted). The little boy ran to the corner of the room, his body language signalling that he thought his suspicions were confirmed. He had given up on any thoughts of trying to escape and was now trying to get into the best position to defend.

As Lenalee made a move to try again, Lavi stuck out a hand and stopped her. She turned her tearful eyes up at him and he had to avert his gaze. _Some Bookman. Can't even stand sad looks._

"Lavi? What are you doing?" Lenalee's lip trembled.

He was reluctant to say his next words. "...he thinks you're trying to hit him." God, he thought her first expression was sad. This one ripped out his heart and smashed it on the ground. Lavi pointedly glanced at Komui, gesturing to Lenalee and trying to get him to comfort her. The stupid brother actually got the message and went to comfort his sister as she sat on the ground and tried to hold back tears. Lavi knew he had to do something.

He slowly walked over to the corner, where Baby Allen had tucked his knees up to his chin. As Lavi approached, he stared at him, as if trying to predict his next move.

.o.

_These...these damned people! Gettin' my damned hopes up. Bu' why did I even bothuh? It's nevuh diff'rent. Nevuh, nevuh, nevuh why is this wazzock comin ovuh 'ere? He tries anythin' an' I'll bite 'is ear off, maybe gouge out his one good eye._ The child's thoughts stopped as Lavi got onto his knees. He spread his hands in a show of surrender. The boy was fully expecting the pirate wannabe to spout out false promises and then try and attack him later.

"What do people call you besides 'Monster'? Weren't you at a circus before now? What did they call you?" The boy hid his surprise as the pirate talked about the circus by hiding his face in his arms, but in reality he was watching him very closely. The child had a sharp letter opener that he had snatched off of the cluttered desk hidden up his sleeve, at the ready for any sudden movements this guy would make.

"Bugger off," the boy mumbled.

"Hey, now. Don't be like that. I'm gonna say one thing, even though you probably won't believe me, but none of us here want to hurt you, except for maybe Kanda, but that guy always has a stick up his...erm." Lavi trailed off.

"Arse. His arse. Ya can' jus' stop a sentence 'alfway through." The kid looked up at him with a scowl.

"Well, it's improper for grown-ups to say bad words in front of little kids."

"You're jus' jealous 'cause I know more cuss words than you do."

"Do not."

"Do too. Ya twonk."

"...what?"

The boy snorted. "I though' you were suppos' ta be the smar' one o' the bunch."

"What? I am! What does 'twonk' mean?"

"The same thing as pillock."

"And that means...?"

"The same thing as berk and prat and sod."

"Why do you know all of these words?"

"It's no' _my_ faul' ya stupider than a muppet."

"Your making that up now."

"Bitter, much?"

They sat in companionable silence until the boy spoke up.

"Red. People call me Red." He stared at Lavi as he had been the entire time, trying to decipher all of the emotions in his one green eye.

"Well, Red. Nice to meet you. My name is Lavi. You wanna get out of that corner now, Red?" Lavi stood up and offered his hand to the child on the floor. Red stared at it for a good minute until he stuck his right hand out and grabbed it. With Red quickly dropping their hands, they walked over to the others in the room who were staring with their mouths agape at Lavi's ability to talk to...Red.

"Well, then...we should decide what to do with you, Red," Komui said uncertainly. Lenalee stood at his side with her faced cleared of tears. Krory was beaming happily at the little boy, glad that he was less afraid than he had been before. Reever was still standing in front of the door with his hands in his pockets, observing the entire situation.

"Aren' ya gonna le' me go?" Red asked. He stood a good distance away from everyone else, staring cautiously.

"Sorry, Red, but we can't do that just yet." Komui smiled regretfully at the young boy, who merely narrowed his eyes.

"Ya nonces. Ya kidnap me an' then ya don' even have the graciousness ta give me some damned pants?" Red spat with his ever-present scowl still planted firmly on his face.

"The kid's right Komui." Reever called out. "I think we have some of Timothy's clothes in the Infirmary. You might want to get Red checked out with the Head Nurse while you're there." Reever shuffled his feet. "I-uh, I need to get back to the Science Department to help clean up the explosion; I've been gone for too long as it is." His face had an extreme look of guilt on it, either from the belief that he's at fault for Allen de-aging or the fact that he had to leave. But he was the only one with those thoughts.

"You better hurry; the Science Department is probably running around screaming still," Komui said. Reever smiled his gratitude at the chief and slipped out the door. Before Red could make a break for it, Lavi grabbed his shoulder (with a flinch) and casually restrained him. Red returned Lavi's smile with a glare.

"Well, Al-Red, Lavi will take you-" Komui began. He was quickly interrupted by the red-head in question.

"Actually, Komui, I think Red should choose who goes with him. It'll make him feel more comfortable around here." He smiled again, but this time at the chief.

"Yes, you're right, Lavi. So, Red, who do you want to go with you to get some clothes?" Komui looked kindly at the suddenly nervous Red.

"Wha'? Why can't I jus' go by m'self?" His remark was met by identical looks of 'Really? You need an answer to that question?'

"Ugh. Fine." Red rolled his eyes and got back to the task at hand. "I choose you." He stuck his right pointer finger at his selection.

"M-me?" Krory's face was shocked as he pointed at himself in question.

"Yes, you. Now hurry it up. I don' got all day." With that, Red strolled out of the with his hands in his pockets, with Krory uncertainly following behind.

_This was a horrible idea._

* * *

**As you can see, I got carried away with the British cuss words.**

**wazzock=so stupid, you can't do anything but menial labor**

**nonce=pedophile**

**twonk, pillock, berk, prat, sod, muppet=idiot**

**bugger off=fuck off/go away****!**


	4. Chapter 4

Red strolled down the hallway, with the vampire exorcist following behind. So far, they had been walking in silence, until Krory broke the silence with logic.

"...um, Red? Do you know where the Infirmary is?" Krory asked politely. Red stopped and blushed furiously, not moving to face the pale man.

"I was wond'rin' when ya were gonna ask tha', ya prat," Red saved. "Of course I don' know where the 'ell I'm goin'!" He turned to look at Krory and glared at him.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry. It's this way." Krory turned a complete 180 degrees and began walking that way, with his cape swishing behind him. Red flipped him off behind his back and then hurried to catch up. _Damn him an' 'is damned legs. Why the 'ell is this twit walkin' so fast? Shite, he's gettin' furthuh ahead._ Red's head started spinning a bit and he gradually slowed down. Krory didn't notice and kept walking as Red's small legs collapsed underneath him. _Tch. Fo' a person tryin' ta watch ovuh me, he's sure doin' a poxy job...ugh, e'rythin's spinnin'..._

Krory heard a light thud and glanced behind his shoulder. His eyes widened as he saw the young boy lying on the floor, completely still.

"Red! Oh, no!" Krory zipped back to where the child lay, got to his knees, and cradled him in his arms. Finding a weak pulse he jumped up, with the boy still in his arms and ran to the Infirmary.

.o.

Red opened his eyes to see the ceiling spinning around him. Disoriented with a thick sense of deja vu, he sat up as his memories reloaded.

"Ah, bloody 'ell!" Red shouted as his head throbbed behind his eyes.

"Red! What are you doing?! Lay down! And don't use that type of language, or I'll wash your mouth out!" His eyes widened as he saw a stern woman towering over him with a demonic look on her face.

"Bloody 'ell! Are ya a _woman_?!" Red flinched as she reached over to him. He opened his eyes as he felt a hand ruffle his head. The Head Nurse smiled down at him with a small hint of pity in her eyes. She removed her hand.

"I'll forgive you this one time, Red. But try that again, and you won't like the results," the Head Nurse said in a kind tone with the smile still plastered to her face. _'oly fuck! Is_ everyone_ 'ere a nutter?_

"Now, I have some questions for you, Al-Red." The Head Nurse had already been filled in on the fact that this boy "Red" was actually a young Allen, and she was still reeling from that information, especially since the first words out of the boy's mouth were curses; completely different than Allen; she didn't even know Allen knew any bad words. She'll scold him when he returns to his proper age and size. But for now...

"When was the last time you ate something?" she asked in a formal tone.

"Blimey, 'ow the 'ell am I suppos' ta know tha'? It's been a while, a coupl'a days, prolly a week o' so. Why does it mattuh? Especially ta some random minger!"

Unfortunately for Red, the Head Nurse knew what that meant.

.o.

Lavi, Krory, and Lenalee had been waiting for an update on Red's condition, with Lenalee trying to assure Krory that it wasn't his fault, and Lavi adding his two cents every while.

"The Head Nurse said that Red had merely passed out from exhaustion and he was severely malnourished. You had nothing to do with this," Lavi said with a smile as he glanced away from the Infirmary's door to make eye contact with the vampire.

"B-but, I could've carried him here instead of making him walk! I could've prevented this!" Krory whimpered as tears waterfalled down his face.

"Yeah, probably-"

"Wh-wha?"

"But Red is like Allen in a way: he wouldn't ever tell anyone he's tired or hurt or sad. Allen does it because he doesn't want us to worry. Red does it because he doesn't trust us yet. He will eventually. But not yet. So it would've been near impossible for you to stop this."

"Th-thanks, Lavi! You're a really good friend!" Just as Krory was about to hug Lavi, they heard a shout from inside the room.

"Ge' off o' me, ya barmy munter!" Red.

"Ah crud. I should've realized Red would've insulted the Head Nurse in some way. We should help him," Lavi said as he rushed into the room.

The three entered the room and stopped in shock. The Head Nurse had a bucket and a bar of soap and held Red down on the bed with one hand while attempting to clean his mouth with the soap with the other. The boy was shouting obscenities at the woman, but it was in such a thick accent, it was barely understandable.

"Head Nurse! Get off of him!" Lenalee ran over to the bed and attempted to separate them. The other two exorcists ran up and helped. Eventually, the Nurse got off of the poor boy, who subsequently ran to the door, wiping his mouth and shouting, "All I _fuckin' _wanted was some _bleedin'_ pants! Why is tha' so hard?" Before he made it out, Krory ran over and stood in front of the door.

"I'm sorry, Red. I-I can't let you leave right now," Krory stuttered as he stood with his arms and legs spread.

"Stick i' up ya arse, ya damned wazzock! Now i'n't th' time ta grow some fuckin' balls!" Krory deflated a bit at Red's statement, but kept his position.

Nobody missed the wild fear Red had in his eyes, and the slight tremble that was practically coating his eight-year old body.

"If you want some clothes, they're in the closet over there," Krory suggested, while pointing to the corner of the room.

Red narrowed his eyes at the exorcist before tch-ing and walking over, skirting past Lavi, Lenalee, and the Head Nurse just out of arms reach of any of them. While he dug through the closet, Lenalee whispered to the others, "I think we should only have one person in here. Red seems to freak out when there're too many people."

"Good idea! Meet you back at Komui's, alright Krorykins?" Lavi smiled impishly and ran off dragging the other two, ignoring their protests.

"Wait-!" By the time Krory comprehended what had just happened, he was thoroughly alone with the child.

Said child spoke, with his head still in the closet as he dug for clothes. "Good. I'm glad they've lef'; it was too noisy wit' all those prats crowdin' up the room. And they took tha' psycho bat-witch with 'em." Krory sweat-dropped at the sentence, worried that the Nurse was still in ear-shot.

After a minute or two of silent ruffling, Red exited the closet, his red-brown hair askew, but with a...not happy, but a less angry expression on his face. He was holding an outfit in his right hand, his left dangling. He stood and stared at Krory, who was still stationed at the door. Red's scowl slipped back on and he narrowed his eyes.

"Well? Are ya gonna turn around or are ya jus' tha' much of a nonce?" Krory didn't know what 'nonce' meant but knew it was bad. He blushed and obediently turned around.

Red quietly dressed into his new clothes, and slipped his only weapon, the letter-opener into his fresh sleeve on his right hand.

When Krory turned back to Red, he found a newly-dressed young boy. He wore a slightly baggy white button-up shirt with blackish-gray suspenders holding up dark brown pants. He still wasn't wearing shoes, having not seen any in his size, and not particularly liking them anyway. He did find some off-white gloves, and had put them on over his hands.

Krory smiled. "You look good, Red."

Red snorted and muttered, "Nonce," but Krory noticed the light blush on his face.

"We should go soon; after we talk with the others, we can go get some food," Krory suggested. He missed Red's reaction as the younger boy speed-walked out of the room. Krory looked at him and then hurried to catch up. _I'm not letting him out of my sight for even one moment!_

"Are you feeling better, Red?" Krory asked with curiosity and worry on his face. The two were (slowly) walking side by side, with Krory to the left of Red, down the hallways of the Order.

"Othuh then my pride bein' crushed from passin' out like a pitiful li'l damsel," Red mumbled. Krory looked down at him and tilted his head in confusion.

Red snorted. "Yes, ya sod. 'm fine." Krory kept staring. "Whaaat? Wha' d'ya need nooow?"

Now it was Krory's turn to blush. "Um, w-well, I was, uh, wondering..." Red raised his eyebrows, and shook his head as if saying, _Spit it out, already!_

"Can I hold your hand?" Krory asked, his face bright red.

"Wha'? You're joking, right?" Red stared at the vampire with a weird expression: a mix of slight disgust, curiosity, fear (but that was always there), and a hint of...hope?

"Please? It would make me feel much better. I just feel horrible about not even realizing that you had passed out and I want to make certain that that doesn't happen again and-"

"Fine. I'll do it if ya shut up!" Red slipped his right hand into Krory's left. He mumbled about how demeaning it was and how he didn't need a keeper and basically complaining the entire time. Krory noticed the trembling in Red's hand, and realized that he was still shaken from the encounter with the Head Nurse.

"The Head Nurse isn't mean; she's just very strict about things. Like, you aren't allowed to leave the Infirmary without her permission. And you aren't allowed to use bad words," Krory half-comforted and half-scolded.

"As long as tha' she-demon stays the 'ell away fro' me, I've go' no problems," the child muttered with a faint ghost of a smile gracing his lips.

Krory smiled as he realized that, within twenty-four hours, Red was already starting to open up. He was hardly ever flinching and he actually touched other people willingly.

_We're making good progress with him._

They walked along the hallway, Krory glancing at Red every now and then, and Red fidgeting slightly with his left hand in his pocket. But something was bugging Krory, and he spoke his mind about it.

"Why did you choose me?"

"Huh? Wha' are ya talkin' 'bout?"

"When the others asked you to choose someone to go with you to get clothes, you chose me. Why?"

"Tch. It's pre'y obvious." Red looked up at the vampire, and, upon seeing the uncomprehending look on his face, elaborated. "I chose ya 'cause ya a freak."

"Wha-what? That's mean, Red!" Krory thought back to the time in his village when he had been Public Enemy Number 1. His eyes watered as he remembered Eliade.

"But it's alrigh' 'cause 'm a freak, too. Ya were rejected 'cause ya had fangs, righ'? I was rejected 'cause o' my damned arm. It doesn' even move proper, yet everyone was scared o' me. Ya nutters don't even glance at it. Wha's wrong wit' ya people?" The way Red asked it wasn't even him trying to be cruel; he was genuinely curious. Like it was somehow wrong for people to _not_ hit him on sight or run away screaming. The empathy Krory felt was practically overwhelming.

"There is nothing wrong with us. The only people who are...erm, 'nutters', were the people who rejected you. And, yes, I was rejected because of my fangs, but I found good friends here at the Order..." Krory trailed off, thinking about how he _was_ talking to one of the aforementioned friends...and yet said friend had no clue.

"Tha's nice. Bu' I'm no' stayin' in this nuthouse," Red deadpanned as he looked up at Krory.

Eventually, the two made it back to Komui's office, where Lavi immediately started cooing over the adorability of the two holding hands ("It's like you're his daddy, Krorykins!"), but shut up once Red gave him a glare that would've killed a lesser being.

Komui cleared his throat. "We should talk about what we're gonna do with Red...and Allen." He gave a pointed look at the 'adults' in the room as they closed the door. They were all scattered around the room, with Red and Krory having separated already.

"What should we tell everyone?" Lenalee asked.

"We might as well tell them the truth. I mean, it's too much of a coincidence for Allen to disappear and Red to show up at the same time," Lavi suggested.

"Wouldn't Rouvelier want to talk to Red? With the situation of the Fourteenth and all..." Komui countered.

"Let's just tell everyone. People will figure out anyways; his arm?" Lavi reminded.

"Oh...yes. I remember now. I'll make an announcement later today," Komui conceded. He turned to the papers on his desk, before freezing in place.

"Brother? What's wrong?" Lenalee asked with a worried expression.

Komui slowly turned back to the others and spoke, "W-where's Red?"

Everyone's hearts stopped, as they looked around and realized Komui was right; the boy wasn't in the room.

* * *

**Memaiva, to be honest...I call him Ravioli too. No shame.**

**prat=idiot**

**shite=shit**

**poxy=crappy**

**minger, munter=ugly woman**

**barmy=crazy**

**sod=idiot, but in a friendly way**


	5. Chapter 5

"Crud! We lost him again!" Lavi shouted.

"Where could he have gone?" Lenalee asked with an even more worried look.

"Oh! He said that he was hungry!" Krory shared.

"And Allen always had a sixth sense when it comes to food..." Komui added. The exorcists shared a look.

"I'll go to the cafeteria and check," Lavi said.

"I'll go with-" Lenalee started. She was quickly interrupted by Komui.

"Um, actually, Lenalee...I need you to come with me to get permission to use the speakers to make an announcement...they still won't let me use it ever since _last _time."

Lenalee sighed, but of course she didn't refuse her brother. As Lavi and Krory turned to the door, Komui spoke again.

"Krory, General Tiedoll wanted to see you. Something about the Beijing mission."

At that, Krory blanched, his pale skin turning almost translucent. "Yes! I must go." The vampire turned and fled from the room, sprinting to Tiedoll's quarters.

"Well, I guess it's just me then." Lavi left the office and headed to the cafeteria.

.o.

Lavi walked into the cafeteria expecting there to be mass chaos, blazing fires, and riots (which would not have been the first time that had happened that day).

He did not expect absolute silence.

Everyone in the room had stopped eating (except Kanda who was apathetically munching his soba noodles at an empty table) and was staring at the food counter which Red was currently walking up to. They were all wondering who the random kid was; he had never been seen before, but was strolling across like he owned the place. Lavi ran up to said kid and defensively glared at the others in the room, who quickly looked back to their food.

The "pirate" tapped Red on the shoulder. The boy jumped about a foot in the air and, upon realizing that he wasn't a threat, turned his glare on Lavi.

"Hey, now. Don't look like that. I'm merely alerting you to my presence," Lavi said with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Ya arsehole. I'd rathuh ya no' fuckin' be here at all!" Red spat. He was miffed; didn't he get to have at least a few seconds without someone hawking over him? He did it all of them time before; just because he was in a nuthouse didn't mean he was unable to take care of himself.

Some people glanced back over at the two, their curiosity piqued by the loud cuss words from the small boy.

Lavi crouched down so he was at eye level with Red, who subsequently took a few steps back with a creeped-out expression. "Stop cussing or people'll stare, Red. Is that what you want?"

"I don' bloody _care_ if they stare! In case ya don' fuckin' recall, 'm used ta it, ya plonker!" Red practically shouted. Lavi sighed. His patience was wearing thin with Red's stubbornness; of course, that was practically the only trait that Allen never grew out of.

"Why did you come down here, anyway?" Lavi said casually, as if the person he was conversing with hadn't been cussing him out seconds earlier.

Red looked slightly put off from the sudden change in tone, but calmed down. Slightly. "Well, i' _is_ a canteen, is it no'? An' wha' d'ya do a' a canteen? Ya eat."

"Well, there's no need for that sass, Beanie," Lavi said as he stood up.

"B-_Beanie_?!" Red spluttered indignantly. "Are ya callin' _me_ a _beanie_?! Wha' the 'ell is a beanie?!"

Lavi chuckled at Red's reaction and tried to ruffle his hair, but Beanie dodged out of the way. "Well, I gotta come up with something since you have all of those fancy-shmancy British words." Red's face was shadowed except for the red glint of his eyes. He glared death at Lavi, who only laughed again. "Come on, let's get you some food. I'm sure Jerry will love you. Now...do you wanna hold my hand?" Lavi teased Red with a smile.

Red blushed. "I didn'-'m no' the one-_he_ wan'ed ta hold m' damned hand! I only did i' 'cause the bloomin' nonce wouldn' shut up." The boy avoided Lavi's eyes as he started walking over to the counter. Everyone else in the room had already returned to their meals or their conversations.

As they approached the counter, Jerry turned and saw Lavi; the counter was too tall for him to properly see the short Red.

"Lavi! What can I get for you today?" Jerry asked in an almost painfully jovial way. Well, painful to Red.

"Ah, actually, I'm not ordering; my little friend here sure is hungry though," Lavi smiled at Jerry as he leaned into the kitchen. They were too far away for Red to hear their conversation, but when Lavi pulled his head out, Jerry leaned forward and stared down at Red.

"Oh, my dear! Allen was sooo cute when he was little!" Jerry squealed. He stretched his hands out in an attempt to pinch Red's cheeks, but Red effortlessly and habitually flinched out of the way. Jerry didn't miss this (he's a very observant man) and sobered. Returning the upper half of his body to the kitchen, he set about cleaning the kitchen with the knowledge of how Big Allen could easily clean out most of the food.

Deeming it safe, Red jumped onto the counter so that his elbows were propping him up while the rest of his body dangled, his feet a couple of inches above the floor.

"So, sweetcheeks, whaddya wanna eat today?" Jerry turned around with a wooden spoon in his hands and looked at Red who seemed slightly stunned. He glanced down at the counter, thinking.

Finally, he spoke up, with a non-answer: "I dunno..."

"You have the freedom to choose anything! Jerry can make whatever you're thinking of," Lavi informed. Red was still quiet, so Lavi prompted him. "What's your favorite meal of all time? The most delicious thing you've ever eaten?"

Red looked up at him. "I've nevuh ea'en anythin' bu' bread an' soup before. Sometimes I find frui', bu' tha's about it...What? Why are ya starin' a' me like tha'?" Lavi seemed horribly depressed, while Jerry started full-on bawling, holding onto his spoon for comfort. "O-oi...why are ya cryin'? Pirate-man, hel-why are _you_ cryin' too?!"

"G-go sit down, Red. I-I'm gonna make you the b-best meal you'll ever eat!" Jerry challenged himself while rubbing the snot off of his face.

"J-Jerry, d-don't make too much food; he h-hasn't activated his Innocence, s-so he'll eat like a n-normal human," Lavi said as he rubbed his eye with his sleeve. Red got down from the counter and the two turned around to see Reever, Johnny, and Miranda. Reever was casually blinking tears out of his eyes; Johnny's entire face was dripping, soaking his shirt; and Miranda's face was a picture of abject sorrow, not absent of tears either.

"Y-you've never eaten anything but bread and soup and fruit before?!" Johnny cried out. Before he could flying tackle hug the confused boy, Lavi held out a hand.

"Beanie doesn't like to be hugged." Lavi gave a pointed look at the three of them.

"Pirate, why are all o' ya nutters sobbin' like tha'?" Red looked up with a hopelessly lost look on his face.

"We're sad because children should have plenty to eat," Lavi said, trying to regain his composure.

"I-I h-have a b-bag of candy...d-do you want it?" Miranda offered gently.

"Candy? I've nevuh 'ad candy before."

They erupted into tears again; all of Lavi's composure flying out the window. They even heard Jerry's cries from the kitchen. Red glared at them.

"Yar all wazzocks. It doesn' ma'uh if I haven' bloody ea'en much before; tha' man in the kitchen is cookin' food righ' now. So ge' ya heads outta ya arses and suck it up," Red stated harshly. _I ha'e i' when people cry. When people cry, it means they're in pain. An' it reminds me o' when I use ta cry; I promised m'self I'd nevuh cry again._ "Keep fuckin' walkin' forward, ya twats."

The four began composing themselves, slightly shocked at the fact that Red knew Allen's motto...or a variation of it.

"S-so...do you want the candy?" Miranda asked again.

"Save it for later!" Jerry exclaimed from as he walked up to the group with a large platter of food. "You don't wanna spoil your appetite."

Red's eyes widened. "A-all o' this...fo' me?"

"Yep! Dig in, honey!" Jerry carried the tray over to a nearby empty table. The group followed him over.

"All of i'?" Red could barely comprehend the situation. He looked up at Jerry. " 'ow much does i' cost?" Red reached into his pocket and pulled something out.

"Hey! Is that my _wallet_?" Lavi cried. "When did you even take it from me?"

"When you an' the chick an' the vampire were ramblin' 'bout Ravioli o' some such," Red casually said. They sweatdropped at his nonchalance.

"B-but, you didn't even come near me!" Lavi spluttered.

"Yeah I did. Ya jus' didn' notice. I was taugh' by the bes'." Red let out an innocent smile that reminded Lavi of the train ride on which he discovered Allen's poker...'talents'. Lavi snatched the wallet out of the boy's hands.

"You shouldn't steal people's things, sweetie. And, anyways, the food's free. Enjoy!" Jerry said with a wink as he turned and left. Red looked shocked again.

"Free? Ya kiddin'!" Red stared at the food.

"Hey, Lavi. We gotta go, but if you need any help with him, just call," Reever said with a knowing look. Red was definitely a handful.

Lavi gave him a smile that said, _I got this. But if I die, you know who to suspect._ "Bye, Reever, Johnny, Miranda."

As they walked past the table, Miranda stopped and rummaged through her bag. "I-I'm just gonna leave this here." She set the bag of candy on the table and scurried off after the other two.

Lavi and Red sat by themselves in silence, on the same side of the table next to each other. The boy stared at the plates of food.

"Aren't you gonna eat something? I know you're hungry; don't try to tell me you aren't," Lavi said. Red picked up the fork and started prodding his food.

"What's wrong?" Lavi was gradually becoming worried. They sat in more silence, Lavi trying to telepathically make Red eat his food. Finally, Red spoke up.

"D'ya wan' some?" he asked quietly without looking away from his food.

"Why? Do you think it's poisoned or something?" Lavi was only teasing, but the tensing in Red's shoulders put the red-head on high alert. _Oh, god. Did someone actually try to...?_ Lavi felt a surge of rage on the behalf of Red. His expression must've changed, because Red's eyes widened and he leaned back. Lavi picked up another fork, stabbed a piece of chicken, and shoved it into his mouth. He turned his eye on Red.

.o.

_'ow am I s'posed ta check fo' poison 'ere? I can' do like I norm'lly do, 'cause there aren' any cats 'round 'ere. Wha' am I gonna do...?_

"Aren't you gonna eat something? I know you're hungry; don't try to tell me you aren't." _It's no' like I can come out an' say I need ta check fo' poison; he'll eithuh think I'm a nutter, or tha' I'm one of those li'l spoiled brats tryin' ta get attention. Shit, he's jus' starin' a' me! Well he prolly thinks I'm a nutter already, so might as well-_

"What's wrong?" _Well...there aren' any cats 'round 'ere, bu' there is a pirate...an' if i' _is_ poisoned, the guy from the kitchen is watchin' an' he'll stop him from eatin' it. No 'arm, no foul._

"D'ya wan' some?" _Say yes, say yes, say yes, c'mon ya wazzock, 'm starvin'..._

"Why? Do you think it's poisoned or something?" _Oh shit. He's smiling. Does tha' mean I was righ'? They _did _poison i'? Tha-tha' can' be true. These people haven' even hit me, yet-he looks pissed. Why is he mad? Damn it. Is he mad 'cause I figured it ou'? Or is he mad 'cause I asked? Eithuh way, he knows I suspec' i's poisoned so he wouldn' actually eat i-he jus' ate it. I-I feel like my brain is gonna explode. I don' understand anythin'._

The pirate looked at Red who flinched. The boy could practically feel the emotions pouring off of him: anger, hatred, disgust. These feelings looked so foreign on the pirate's face. Yet Red was far from surprised. Those were the exact emotions everyone else had when they saw him. He sees it everyday; in fact, the only other emotion anyone else ever showed was fear. But Red knew what it meant when he saw that: _RUN_.

Red turned to sprint away, but he felt a hand grab his bicep. "Lemme go, ya bastard!" Red shouted. But his eight-year-old body couldn't free itself, so Red gave up and tried bracing himself...for a hug.

"Jesus, Beanie. I'm sorry scaring you like that." Lavi held Red's shaking body in his arms and pressed against his chest.

"Lemme go..." Red mumbled, squirming in Lavi's arms. _Don' fuckin' cry. I can't cry._

"I'm really sorry, Beanie. I wasn't mad at you; I was mad at the people who did all of these horrible things to you," Lavi said.

"Why are ya mad? It's no' like i' 'appened ta ya. It doesn' affect ya in any way," Red struggled weakly against Lavi, who was still holding on to him.

"It does affect me. Because no matter what, I _do_ care about you and your well-being. We all do. And even though it's in the past, I still get mad because those people got away with trying to hurt you. You've never done anything wrong," Lavi explained.

"Uh, actually-" Red stopped attempting to escape and tried to amend Lavi's statement.

"Well, you've never hurt anyone without being provoked in some way, have you?" Lavi asked.

"No, bu'-"

"That's it! All I heard was 'no'; therefore, you are a nice kid."

Red raised his eyebrow and snorted. "Me? Nice? Alrigh', if tha's wha' ya wanna believe."

"So, eat your food. It's not poisoned," Lavi persuaded.

"I would. If ya'd le' go o' me! Ya wazzock," Red said loudly as he started to squirm again.

"Oh, right. Sorry." Lavi released Red who scrambled a good distance away from Lavi. He hesitantly picked up his fork again and took a bite of the food.

"This is scrummy!" Red exclaimed.

"What? You don't like it? But Jerry's food is the best!" Lavi cried out in disbelief.

"Wha' are ya talkin' about? Scrummy means good. Wha' the 'ell d'ya _think_ i' meant?" Red looked at the pirate with a look that said _You are weird._

"Oh, I thought 'scrummy' meant 'crummy'," Lavi explained. _Just being around this kid will double the size of my vocabulary...and fill it with British cusses. Won't Bookman be so proud._

Red rolled his eyes. "You're potty."

"I'm what? I'm a toilet?"

"What? No. I mean ya crazy. I migh' as well add dense ta the list, too."

"Hey!" Red didn't respond because he noticed his lack of dying from poison and immediately began scarfing down the plates of food. As he was eating, Red didn't notice a golden golem the size of a baseball fly over. Sensing Allen, he flew over to Red and landed on his head. To say Red was startled would be a severe understatement.

"AH, BLOODY 'ELL! WHA' THE FUCK IS THA' THING?!" Red yelled as he dropped his fork and sprang away from the table. Timcanpy hovered over the spot where Red's head was a second earlier. Lavi was holding his sides and laughing.

"Why the bleedin' _fuckin'_ hell are ya laughin'?! Tha' thing looks dangerous!" Lavi shared a look with Timcanpy, and started laughing even louder. Timcanpy flew over to Red who smacked him out of the air. The golem bounced off of the floor and zipped back over to Red, where he promptly began to try to bite his ear off.

"Gah! Pirate, ge' i' off me!" Red tugged at Tim with tears in the corners of his eyes from the sharp pain of the golem's needle-like teeth.

Lavi, still laughing, walked over and began prying the golem off. Timcanpy wouldn't release Red's ear, so Lavi flicked it with his finger. Timcanpy did not like that. The golem freed Red, who crouched on the floor and caressed his throbbing ear, and latched onto Lavi's ear.

"Gah! Beanie, get it off me!" Lavi began running around frantically with Tim's wings and tail billowing behind him. Red would've laughed had it not been for the empathy he felt.

" 'ow the bloody 'ell am I s'pposed ta do tha'?" Red said.

"Um, um...act like Allen!" Lavi cried.

"I don' know who this damned 'Allen' is, ya sod!"

"Just ditch the accent and say please. It's name is Timcanpy; call it Tim. Oh, and smile! You have to smile!" Lavi's ear felt like it was exploding, and he didn't realize the many different ways this "plan" could go wrong. But Red is a smashing actor apparently.

"Tim, let go of Lavi's ear, please," Red said in such a different voice than before that Lavi almost tripped over his feet. He looked at Red and got a slight case of vertigo. It was weird to see an Allen smile on Red's face...which only added to Lavi's conundrum, seeing as how they were the same person. Tim must've thought the same thing, because he forgot about Lavi and fluttered over to the mini Allen.

"Wha-wha' do I do now?" Red stood stock-still as Tim circled around his head.

"Let him sit on your head," Lavi answered. At Red's scowl, he added, "Either that, or you can let him chew off your ear again. Your choice. Now hurry and finish eating; we've been gone long enough as is."

Grumbling and fuming about the large rock-like thing on his head, Red sat back at the table with Lavi and picked up his fork. He finished his food in only a few minutes and took his plates back to the kitchen with Lavi's help. Jerry noticed the two and reached out to take the dishes.

"Well, honey? Did you like the food?" Jerry smiled at him.

"He said it was scrummy," Lavi deadpanned. Jerry's smile disappeared.

"Scrummy means good!" Red yelled, exasperated with the world. Jerry's smile popped back into existence.

"I'm glad you liked it, cutie." Jerry winked as he turned to wash the dishes.

"Wait, doncha want me ta wash my dishes?" Red asked before Jerry started.

"No, honey! What kind of chef would I be if I made customers wash their own dishes? A scrummy one."

"Scrummy means _good_! Honestly, it's no' hard a' all!" Red exclaimed.

"Whatever, Beanie. We have to go now, Jerry. Thanks," Lavi said. "C'mon." They turned, only for Red to crash into Kanda.

"You!" they cried out simultaneously.

* * *

**plonker=idiot; canteen=cafeteria; twats=pussies; scrummy=good, used for talking about food; potty=crazy**


	6. Chapter 6

"You!" they cried out simultaneously.

"Ya tha' tranny jackass!" Red spat at Kanda.

"And you're that stupid brat," Kanda sneered as a tick mark appeared on his forehead. The two glared death at each other until Lavi spoke up.

"Yu! Beanie! Don't fight!" Lavi said, mainly worried about getting Red out alive. A group of diners from around the cafeteria gathered in a ring around the small group. The two turned towards the red-head.

"Don't call me that and shut up," they growled demonically. Then they promptly ignored him.

After glaring for a few more seconds, Kanda said, "Tch. This is a waste of time." He turned to leave and Lavi let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

"Ya jus' sayin' tha' 'cause ya don' wan' all o' these people ta see ya arse gettin' kicked by an eigh' year old!" Red taunted. Kanda stopped walking with his back still turned. Red went on. "I'll le' ya go this time, bu' the nex' ya bettuh stand an' figh' like the man ya claim ta be; otherwise ya'll just provide more proof tha' ya actually a mingin' _girl_." Lavi's eyes bugged out of his head as the fearless little boy openly challenged and _insulted_ Kanda. All of the spectators were obviously thinking the same thing as they stood there with their mouths hanging open.

Kanda turned around and scowled at Red who simply stood there blinking in an innocent manner.

"If you want to die, fine by me." Faster than almost anyone could see, Mugen was unsheathed and swinging towards Red's neck. Lavi barely had his hammer out before the sword stopped. But Kanda wasn't the one who stopped it; Red stood in a defensive position with a letter opener in his right hand with his left hand on the other side providing support and balance. Everyone in the surrounding area stood in even more shock as the boy blocked Kanda's swing. The only other person who had ever done that before was Allen Walker!

"Not bad, brat." And with that, Kanda attacked again, not allowing Red any time to respond. Kanda was holding back considerably, not wanting to hurt to the brat; injuries lead to paperwork and scoldings. Kanda didn't care for either of them.

Mugen came down towards Red's left arm; his weak side. But Red had been fighting with that disadvantage and was more than ready for it. He sidestepped and swung his weapon towards Kanda who jumped back. Meanwhile, Lavi was freaking out in the back, pulling at his hair and torn between wanting to stop it and valuing his life.

Kanda and Red came at each other again and again. Eventually, Kanda decided that he'd playing with this boy long enough and moved to end it.

"Too easy," Red snorted. And with a speed previously unseen in the fight, he slid between Kanda's legs and jumped to his feet behind him. Red gripped Kanda's ponytail with his right hand and used it as a rope, climbing up the samurai's back and yanking his head back from the extra weight. He swung onto Kanda's shoulders and wrapped his legs around his neck. Red held the letter opener tightly as he held it beneath Kanda's chin, pressing it so that the tip dug into the skin causing discomfort but not drawing blood.

_Shit! This brat was holding back the entire time! How did he sneak up on me?_ Kanda thought angrily. His musings were interrupted by a snide voice.

"Ya shoulda lef' when ya 'ad the chance. Now everyone _has_ seen ya ge' ya arse kicked by a li'l boy," Red laughed. He bent his head and whispered into his ear, "I win."

If the spectators had to say one thing, it would be that they sure as hell didn't expect this.

Red gloated for a select few seconds until hands grabbed him from behind and pulled him off of the samurai. "Oi! Lemme go, ya wazzock!" He kicked out and squirmed until he his feet landed on the floor and Lavi crouched in front of him.

"Bad, Beanie! No attacking people!" Lavi scolded.

"Someone needed ta teach this toff a lesson," Red defended as he waved the letter opener in Kanda's direction. Kanda wiped a drop of blood off of his neck from where the letter opener had nicked him when Lavi pulled the boy away.

"Where did you even get this from?" Lavi cried out rhetorically as he ripped it out of Red's hand. The tool was scratched and dented and had a smear of blood on the tip.

Kanda gave the boy a disdainful glare before storming off. At the door, he turned back and glared at the room in general.

"Keep that brat away from me, or else you won't be finding his body." Then he finally left.

"Tch. Tha' damned tosser! He thinks he can bea' me up!" Red shouted. "Didn' I _jus'_ prove tha' he can't?! Stupid, arrogant, son of a bit-" His rant was interrupted by ayoung voice.

"You suck," Timothy said. "I would've finished that fight." Emilia stood behind him telling him to stop picking fights, but the young exorcist ignored her as he stepped forward into the ring. Everybody sweatdropped. _Despite seeing Red beat _Kanda_, Timothy still wants to fight him?_

Red turned his head in the direction of Timothy and gave him a glance-over. Disappointed, Red rolled his eyes and turned to Lavi. "Let's go back now, Pirate." Lavi inwardly cheered as Red displayed some maturity and walked away from a fight. But that joy crashed as Timothy showed no signs of giving.

"Walk away, because that's what children do," Timothy called out. Lavi sighed as Red turned around and glared at Timothy.

"Ya no' e'en olduh than me!" Red cried out.

"Uh, yeah I am. You said you were eight. I'm nine!" Timothy said with a smug smile.

"A' leas' _I'm_ talluh!" Red declared.

"Barely!" Timothy whined. The entire audience facepalmed at the immaturity of it all.

"Ha! Ya wrong! I'm half an inch talluh!"

"Well, I'm smarter!"

"Good fo' you; I'd rathuh be cooluh than smartuh."

"What? I'm so cooler than you!"

"Ya can only wish ya cooluh than me!"

"Even if you were cooler than me, which you're _not_, I'm still stronger!"

"Are ya kiddin'? I could kick ya arse so fas', ya wouldn' e'en see me comin'!"

"I can beat you up with a blindfold on."

"I could kick ya arse wit' both o' my 'ands tied be'ind my back!"

"I don't think you'd ever come close to beating me up! In your life!"

"Ya really pissin' me off! Someone should tie my 'ands so I can kick this sprog's arse proper!"

"Bring it on, squirt!"

Red's eye twitched as Timothy got into a fighting stance. He subconsciously mirrored him.

Lavi and Emilia had been observers rather than guardians up until that point, watching with no small amount of endearment towards the young boys. But they realized Red and Timothy were about to get more serious and moved to stand between them.

"C'mon, Beanie. We really should go now. It's already been a couple of hours since Komui sent me to look for you and he's probably beyond worried by now." Lavi said. He looked down at Red who sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Tch. Fine. Let's go then, Pirate." Lavi and Red turned to leave when they heard a cry from behind them.

"You're not backing out of our fight that easy!" Timothy yelled as he dodged around Emilia and charged towards Red. Timothy pulled his fist back when Red kicked Lavi out of the way and gave him a glare that said _This is _my_ fight; you stay out of it._

Pulling the letter opener seemingly out of thin air, Red spun around to meet Timothy and held his metal weapon to block the attack with the same stance he used when defending against Kanda's first attack. Timothy's knuckles met metal, but Red barely even budged from his position. They stayed in the same poses until Timothy pulled back, his fingers throbbing.

"Pee...peeyah!" Timothy cried, holding his damaged hand, as Emilia went over to check on him. Red looked at him with disgust. Lavi noticed this.

"Why do you care when other people are crying, but not Timothy? Is it because you were fighting?" Lavi asked.

"No. I've jus' seen enough cryin' children ta know tha' I'm completely unsympathetic ta them. Besides, this ankle-biter is completely nesh." Red shook his head in disapproval.

"Um, I'm not sure I completely understood your last sentence there. And how did you steal the letter opener back from me?! I made sure to stay at least two feet away from you the entire time!"

"Ha! If tha's wha' ya wanna believe."

The entire ordeal was halted as a slightly garbled message came over the speakers:

_"Due to an accident in the Science Department, exorcist Allen Walker has been reverted to the age of eight. He has no memories of anything that happened after that period of time. He is unable to use his Innocence. He has russet colored hair and goes by the name of 'Red'. Do not bother him, unless necessary. Thank you."_

Lavi cursed inwardly; this was one of the worst times for that announcement to have gone on. The spectators were unashamedly staring at the boy who showed no sign of discomfort as he slightly leaned to one side with both hands in his pockets.

"A-Allen? _You're Allen_?!" Timothy yelled out, still cradling his hand against his chest. "You _can't_ be Allen! Allen's not a jerk!"

"I 'ave no idea wha' ya talkin' abou'," Red spat. He turned towards Lavi. "I've go' some questions fo' ya, _Pirate_." He was beyond pissed. The only reason why Red hadn't been asking questions until then was because he assumed he would be leaving; but that obviously wasn't happening anytime soon.

Before anything could happen, they were interrupted yet again. This time, by a frantic-looking Lenalee.

"Lavi! Lavi, it's bad!" she gasped. It was obvious she had sprinted from wherever she had been previously.

"Lenalee? What happened? What's bad?" Lavi asked. A slightly curious Red stared up at the two of them.

"H-he wants to talk to him!" Lenalee had the ghost of a memory dancing behind her eyes.

"Who wants to talk to him? Lenalee, what are you talking about?" a frustrated Lavi asked.

"Rouvelier. Rouvelier wants to talk to Red."

* * *

**mingin' (minging)=ugly as sin**

****toff=hoity-toity person****

**tosser=extreme asshole**

**sprog=a baby around the age of 2 or 3**


	7. Chapter 7

"Wait, why are ya walkin' so fas', Pirate? Wha's so bloody special abou' this damned Ravioli?" Red struggled to keep up with Lavi and Lenalee's brisk pace as they practically ran through the halls of the Order, Timcanpy fluttering right beside him. The two older exorcists ignored Red questions.

"Is his stalker back from his super-secret mission?" Lavi asked.

"Yes, Link is back," Lenalee stated. For some reason, she looked incredibly shaken up. _Wha's wrong with her? Pirate looks a helluva lo' more calm than this chick. There's somthin' more here,_ Red thought to himself.

"I think that Double-Mole's 'mission' was nothing but a bull...crud excuse for spying on Allen. Or maybe they were actually behind all of this de-aging stuff!" Lavi rambled. He continued spewing out theories until Lenalee interrupted.

"Lavi! That doesn't matter right now! What do you think Rouvelier's gonna do to Red? He'll interrogate him, and threaten him, and-"

"Oh, trust me, Lenalee. If anyone can make Rouvelier cry, it's Red," Lavi laughed. He gave off the air of nonchalance, but if you were to look closely, you would see the tension in his posture and the strain in his smile. The worry in his eye. But he couldn't share his doubts, knowing the bad memories Lenalee has with Rouvelier.

"Lavi, this isn't funny; we need to warn Red of the gravity of the situation," Lenalee said, bordering on desperation.

Red tch-ed with exasperation; they're talking about the need to warn him, _and he's standing two feet away_. But Red didn't share the concern of the two others. He had heard Lavi's joke of making Ravioli cry, and taken it as a challenge. He smirked evilly to himself as he thought of the different...words he could use.

Lost in thought, Red didn't realize the others had stopped until he crashed into Lavi's back. Lavi turned around, startled at the sudden collision. He crouched down so he was at eye level with the boy.

"Alright, Red. Rouvelier is inside that door." Lavi pointed to a nondescript looking door. But the two guards with hats that covered their faces drew Red's attention. "_Don't_ anger him. Please. I'm deadly serious, Red. _Don't_."

Red was slightly taken back at the intensity of Lavi's voice, but passed it off as the Pirate being melodramatic, as usual. (Give him a break; he's eight.) He focused on Lavi again, realizing he was still talking.

"This is _the_ one person in the entire Order that you don't want as an enemy. He'll do anything to get what he wants. He'll use force, threats, bribery, lies, torture. _Do you get me?_" Lavi stared into Red's eyes, willing him to understand.

"Wha' does he wan' wit' me anyways? It has ta do wit' tha' 'Allen' bloke, righ'? An' you are still gonna give me answers latuh today, go' it?" Red stared back.

Before either could answer the other's question, the door swung open ominously.

"Don't worry, Red. We'll all be standing right outside. Komui and Krory will be here when you're done, and then you can finally go to bed." Red was interrupted from answering by a cold voice.

"Come in...Red."

.o.

Red was starting to worry. The second he had walked all the way in, the door had slammed shut behind him, covering the room in a blanket of semi-darkness. It even closed before the weird little golden thing could come in. Red hated to admit it, but Timcanpy was growing on him. The room he was currently standing in gave off an evil feeling, like this room was ten degrees colder than the rest of the building. Not only that, but it also smelled weird; almost as if someone had tried to cover up the stench of a decomposing body with the sweetened and amplified stenches of flowers. Overall, it was absolutely foul.

_Stop i'. Ya creepin' yaself out,_ Red thought gloomily to himself. His musings were interupted by the cold voice.

"Sit, Red. Would you like a scone? I made it myself," Rouvelier asked, with the appearance of nothing but politeness. He reclined in a comfy looking chair with one leg crossed over the other and a plate in his hands. He showed his teeth in a smile that resembled a shark's rather than a human's.

When Red made no move, Rouvelier repeated himself. "Sit, Red." He had lost the smile. And the platter of freshly baked pastries.

Red sat in the couch across from the similar one that Rouvelier was sitting in. Lavi's warning rang in the back of Red's mind, but it grew increasingly faint. There was something about this man that Red did not like.

The two stared at each other in the tense silence. Finally, Red broke it.

"Why d'ya call me in 'ere?" Red asked harshly, as if this were a huge waste of his time. Which it mostly was.

Rouvelier looked vaguely startled at the rudeness of the boy; Allen Walker had been nothing but respect and smiles, even though those were fake and forced. But he took in stride.

"Don't you know?" Rouvelier asked.

"No, I don't bloody well know! No one bothuhed ta tell me shit!" Red raged, his anger mostly directed at the Pirate on the other side of the door.

"It would do you well to speak to me with more care," Rouvelier warned, the threat hardly ignorable.

"Blimey!" Red said with sarcastic concern. "Too bad I don' care."

Rouvelier sighed; this was going to take longer than he had thought. He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips at the steaming boy. Rouvelier decided on a tactic; obviously this boy has been abused for most, if not all, of his life. Therefore, he's very insecure and will be subdued fairly quickly if those actions are repeated.

"Close your mouth, _boy._" Rouvelier said harshly. He was now sitting up in his chair and looking down at Red.

To say the least, Rouvelier was surprised when the boy didn't even flinch. In fact, the boy himself was giving off a murderous aura.

"You would do well ta close _your_ mouth, _sir_. Now, unless ya actually _need_ me fo' something, I will be leaving." Red was so angry that he started talking like one of the minted toffs he saw on the streets every now and then. It seemed a better approach rather than the street-rat accent he normally spoke with, but certain situations required certain things.

Rouvelier was beyond mad. _This insolent whelp thinks he can talk to the Special Inspector of the Central Branch of the Black Order like that?! He's going to pay dearly later, but for now, I need answers. Obviously, he is not as insecure as I had previously thought, so I'll need to restrain myself a bit, but not so much that he'll think he can trample over me and my title._

"Actually, you need to answer questions for me. Then you will be free to go," Rouvelier stated through gritted teeth.

Red sighed, seemingly letting his guard down a bit as he noticed Rouvelier's slightly calmer demeanor. _Bloody 'ell. This guy's the worst nuttuh of 'em all! He's eithuh schizo o' he's up ta somethin'...prolly the lattuh bu' I wouldn' doubt the firs' option._

"Wha' questions? I will try an' answuh them ta the bes' o' my ability," Red conceded. _See? I know how ta talk the pretty._

"No. You _will_ answer my questions, whether you can or can't," Rouvelier growled. _I'm definitely thinkin' schizo..._ Red thought to himself.

"Jus' spit i' out already, ya mingin' codger!" Red growled back, with the knowledge that this man was British and probably understood the insult.

"Who is Nea Walker? What is your connection to the Noah family? Did you kill Cross Marian? Are you the 14th?!" Rouvelier ended his bombardment with a shout and jumped to his feet. He knew very well that there was a little to no chance that Red would know anything, but this could at least startle him into revealing anything he might know.

"I don' know wha' ya talkin' abou'." Red stared at Rouvelier's angry face and never blinked to break eye contact.

"I know you do! Stop lying, and you'll be free to go," Rouvelier said.

"I'm no' lyin'. I've got no clue as ta wha' ya blabberin' abou'. An' even if I did, I sure as hell wouldn' be tellin' you, ya tossuh." Red knew that taunting the man was not a good idea, but he just couldn't help himself. Besides, Cosimo from the circus could be a helluva lot scarier than this guy.

"You little brat. Tell me, now! _Are you the 14th Noah?!_" Rouvelier was coming apart at the seams from his desires to find out the truth and to teach this little boy a lesson.

Red blinked innocently at the fuming man. "Wha's a Noah? An' I'm no' 14; I'm 8." When Rouvelier didn't respond, he continued. "Ya migh' wanna calm down a bi' there, Ravioli. Ya could ge' a heart attack, an' tha' wouldn' be good, 'specially for a man of your age," Red "helped" snidely.

Quick as a flash, Rouvelier back-handed Red off of the couch and onto the floor. They stood in silence before Rouvelier calmly spoke, "Tell me, or I swear I won't let you out of this building for the rest of your pathetic life."

Red looked up at Rouvelier from the floor, with hate flooding out of his eyes. He had a slight déjà vu moment of a clown, Cosimo, in the same exact position that Rouvelier stood in now. In response to the man's threat, Red spat his blood onto Rouvelier's expensive-looking shoes.

Rouvelier's eyes narrowed and his mustache quivered in silent fury. He bent down and picked Red up by his hair, holding him up to his face while Red tried to use his only functioning hand to try and relieve the pressure on his scalp.

"You will never see the sun again, I promise you that," Rouvelier whispered, his voice so cold it gave Red shivers that slipped down his spine. Rouvelier threw Red back to the floor and brought his foot back to kick the helpless boy. After delivering several sharp kicks to Red's chest, he crouched next to the boy who was struggling to lift his head. The slap to the head had dizzied Red and left him unable to focus his eyes on anything.

"Are you ready to answer my questions?" Rouvelier asked, the fake politeness back, even though Red's blood stained his gloves a dark red.

"I _told_ you, I don' know anythin'!" Red mostly gave up on his pride; he was more concerned on living through this. He flinched as Rouvelier brought his hand back again. Closing his eyes, Red braced for impact.

It never came.

He violently flinched as soft, trembling hands brought his head to rest on a soft surface. Slowly, he opened his eyes to see Lenalee brushing the hair out of his eyes and sending a small, sad smile towards him. He looked back at his assaulter and saw Kanda holding Rouvelier's wrist still mid-strike. The two were glaring death at each other. Looking further around the room, he saw Pirate and the vampire glaring harshly at the Inspector as they walked deeper into the room.

Lavi stalked past Rouvelier and crouched next to Red and examined him, checking his pulse and and looking at his pupils. Krory stood behind Kanda, his Innocence activating automatically, sensing its accommodator's high levels of stress. The look on his face was absolutely terrifying.

Kanda was still holding Rouvelier's wrist. The man in question gave the exorcist a disdainful look. "Remove your hand at once."

Kanda's face was eerily calm.

They barely caught the movement of his fist as it smashed into Rouvelier's face.

* * *

**minted=wealthy**

**toffs=hoity-toity person**

**mingin' (minging)=ugly**

**codger=old grouch**

**tossuh (tosser)=extreme asshole**


	8. Chapter 8

***I researched and morphine was invented in 1804; 'D. Gray-Man' takes place in the "nineteenth century", so I'm not anachronistic. But hypodermic needles were invented in 1874... Whatever, Katsura Hoshino says it's "set in a _fictional_ 19th century England."**

****Cameras were invented 1816**

* * *

"You-you..." Rouvelier spluttered from the spot on the floor where he had fallen after Kanda's blow. His entire being radiated hate and anger, even though he was in an extremely undignified position.

"You damned exorcist!" Rouvelier struggled to his feet and glowered at the dark-haired samurai who glowered back. "Where did you get it into your minuscule brain that you were allowed to even _touch_ me?! I'll have you ex-"

Rouvelier's rant, which most everyone had been tuning out anyways, was interrupted by an uncharacteristic Komui. His voice was ice cold as he spoke to the Special Inspector.

"I'm sorry Inspector Rouvelier, but punishments will have to be given out later. One of our own has been injured and is in need of medical attention." Krory, Lenalee, and Red shivered slightly at the complete lack of emotion in the Chief's normally cheerful and friendly voice. Kanda was vaguely surprised, but mostly didn't care, and Lavi already knew what Komui was capable of when he was serious about something.

"You are correct, Chief Komui. This...exorcist nearly broke my nose," Rouvelier seethed as he began to regain his composure.

"While you might believe that your superfluous facial injury may be life-threatening, I assure you, it is not. Rather, I was talking about Red, who has been beaten mere moments earlier and is currently lying on the floor." The apathy in Komui's voice had left, to be replaced with hot antipathy, making his sentence come out similar to a growl. "Now, if you'll excuse us, but I believe Red is suffering from a concussion."

Taking their cue, the exorcists turned to leave. Lenalee gently lifted Red, who was still mostly dazed due to his head injury. Lavi followed behind, shooting a dirty look at Rouvelier. Kanda took it a step further and shouldered the man out of the way as he walked past, and Krory not-so-subtly snarled at him. Ignoring the look on Rouvelier's face that clearly said 'You shall rue this day', they slammed the door behind them.

.o.

Red's thoughts were scattered. There was a horrid pounding from where his head had slammed into the ground, and the taste of copper in his mouth; when Rouvelier slapped him, his teeth had cut his tongue. Not only that, but his ribs were bruised, maybe even cracked. His scalp ached and felt like it was hanging loosely on his skull. Every step Lenalee took jarred his injuries and sent a fresh wave of agony coursing through his small body. But he held in his tears, remembering his promise.

He tried dragging his focus back from the sluggish mindset it was in. Red heard murmured words, but didn't understand what any of them meant.

"-y'd you even protect him, Yu? I thought you hated Beanie." The voice seemed curious and light-hearted with a strong undertone of residual anger.

"Don't call me Yu." Just plain anger.

"Whatever, Yu. But seriously, why?"

A pause.

"He's pathetic."

"Kanda! How can you possibly say that about Red, especially since he beat _you_ in a fight!" A female voice.

"I'm not talking about the brat! I was talking about the asshole!"

"Why do you say that?" A timid voice that sounded like it was perpetually on the verge of tears.

"Tch. He's an old man who makes himself feel better by beating up abused kids. Now stop asking me all these stupid questions!"

"Believe me, Kanda. We're not mad; we're jealous because you got there first." A professional voice, who's owner may or may not be wearing a beret.

"Brother! You shouldn't be saying those kind of things...out loud," Lenalee muttered.

"You can't deny it, Yu; we all know you did it 'cause you have a soft spot for Beanie _and_ Beansprout," Lavi teased.

There was the sound of metal against metal.

"Say that again, Baka Usagi! I dare you." From what Red could tell, Mugen had made an appearance at Lavi's throat.

"Eep! I'm sorry, Yu! I was just kidding; we all know you're completely heartless!"

His shrill voice pierced Red's ears and he let out an involuntary groan. The voices quieted ('Thank god.') and the movement stopped.

"Red? Can you open your eyes?" Lenalee asked with worry tinging her voice. Trying to find an answer, he pried open his eyes and groaned again as the lights assaulted him. The slight noise he made tickled the back of his throat and he reflexively started coughing. The instinctual movements shook his injuries and he cried out in pain. He blinked blurrily around him, slightly panting as he tried to make sense of his situation.

"He definitely has a concussion, possible cracked ribs, maybe some punctured organs; see how he's coughing up blood? But that may be the cut in his mouth," Lavi catalogued. The others looked severely shocked (except Bakanda) at the business-like tone of their normally cheerful friend. But Lavi knew what he had to do; as a Bookman-in-training, he's done this multiple times before. Even to friends. "Beanie, can you talk?"

Red tried to reply, _O' course I c'n talk, ya clot! I'm no' some wazzock!_ But apparently his tongue didn't want to cooperate with his brain and all that came out was another pained groan.

"Okay, I'll take that as a 'no'." Lavi's voice was finally taking a slightly worried tone. But Red didn't especially care.

_Wha' am I layin' on? I's really soft...an' warm..._ Red's eyes began sliding down again and he barely made out the last remnants of conversation.

"Beanie! No, you can't sleep now! Damn it! Krory, you need to rush him over to the Infirmary, now! Beanie, you're gonna be fine, I prom..."

Red slipped into the black.

.o.

His head pounded (_Stupid déjà vu_.), but he couldn't taste copper anymore. That's always good. But it wasn't good that the fact you couldn't taste your own blood anymore was the highlight of your situation. _Wha'evuh, I've been in worse cock-ups._ That thought was erased from his mind when he moved and his entire side seemingly burst into flames.

"Gahh!" Red cried out. A flurry of movement erupted around him. His eyes snapped open and he struggled to sit up as a strong hand pushed him back into his bed.

"What are you doing, Red?" _Oh, shit. It's that she-devil he-man from the Infirmary._ "Your ribs are cracked and the only way for them to heal is if you _don't move_. Hold on; I'll give you some morphine in a second." Red weakly protested, but really? He wanted some damned morphine. A cooling sensation spread through his body and he sank into the bed, still aware of his surroundings.

He heard the door crack open.

"Head Nurse? Can we see him now?" Lavi asked timidly.

"Yes, yes, but be quiet about it. If you wake him up, I'll have your heads," the Head Nurse growled. After hurried assurances, the door creaked wider and footsteps paraded into the room.

"Red?" Krory asked quietly. A loud thwacking noise resounded around the room and a small whimper of pain from the vampire.

"What did I just tell you? Don't wake the patient," the Head Nurse hissed. "Hmph. Now, I need to have a word with Chief Komui. Don't wake the patient, and _don't break anything._ And don't break the patient!" The door creaked shut.

Red felt a slight prodding on his cheek, but it stopped as quickly as it started.

"Lavi! Don't poke Red!" Lenalee scolded.

"But he looks so dead!" Lavi said in an exuberant tone.

"Lavi, he-he's not dead, is he?" Krory whimpered.

"Of course he isn't, Krorykins!" Lavi said cheerfully. "Look! He's breathing! A little bit..."

Red felt a hand hovering over his face, and when it brushed aside his hair, he somehow managed to flinch a bit, even through his drugged state. The exorcists did not miss this.

"Oh..." Krory said quietly.

"But we were making such good progress...I thought he even liked us..." Lenalee whispered

Lavi's voice was angry. "It's that damn Rouvelier's fault. Of course that bastard would be the one who could single-handedly reverse any good done. Now he's making Beanie flinch, _in his sleep_." Red stirred a bit at the intensity of his voice.

Lavi noticed and stood up from his chair. "I need some air," he muttered. The door creaked loudly as it opened and shut.

There was silence for a few minutes.

"I don't think Lavi's very good at his job..." Lenalee sighed.

"What do you mean, Lenalee?" Krory asked curiously.

"Bookmen are supposed to be completely heartless and distant. They are supposed to look at dying people and merely record the ways that they are in pain," Lenalee stated morbidly. There was more silence.

"...Well, I'm glad Lavi isn't like that."

"Me too."

Mental exhaustion swamped over Red and he fell into the black again.

.o.

The next time he awoke, he noticed many things different. One, there was no more morphine in his system, which meant he could move almost easily. Two, his body ached, but not in the flaming waves of agonizing death-strokes as it had been earlier. Three, he was alone.

Completely and utterly alone.

That was a very, _very_ good thing.

Red sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He took a few seconds to make the world stop swimming around him and for his ribs to stop protesting.

_I need ta leave 'ere, bu' where do I go? Well, I bettuh 'urry. Pirate, Vampire, and the chick are prolly gonna come back soon. Maybe even Tranny, jus' so fate c'n spite me._ With that, he stepped onto the cold floor, his bare feet make a barely noticeable slapping noise as they hit the tiles. "Oh, wouldja look a' tha'! They actually lef' my pants on this time!" Red muttered sardonically.

He tip-toed to the door halfheartedly, fully expecting to be stopped before he even made it ten feet. Surprisingly, he actually reached the door without unwanted intrusions. Pulling on the knob with his good hand, the door creaked open revealing...an empty hallway.

"Wha' the 'ell? My luck is nevuh this bloody good...It's prolly a trap, an' I'm jus' gonna run into..._him_. Mistuh Mustached Devil. Fate's gonna be laughin' its arse off..." Red said to himself. He slowly shut the door closed behind him and leaned against it as the hallway began flipping around him.

"Jesus...if i's gonna be like this the entire time, I'll ge' there in a _year_ o' two..." he said, already exasperated with his limits. "Where am I ev'n goin'...? I'll jus' wander 'round a bit..." And with that, Red started stumbling down the empty hallway.

He had gotten thoroughly lost when he finally heard a high-pitched scream from the general direction of the Infirmary.

"_AHHHH_! Beanie is gone!" Lavi shrieked. _Oh...I though' the chick had been the one ta scream._

"Lenaleeee! Krorykiiinsss! Beanie isn't here anymore! Launch a search party!" Lavi screamed. "Send out every single Finder at the Order!"

There was a pause, as if someone were talking to him at a normal volume.

"Scratch that! We're sending out Marie! Just be really quiet so he can hear Beanie!" Lavi yelled.

Red snorted. "Thanks fo' the tip, wazzock!" he called out. _Oh wait...this Marie guy can hear me..._ Red looked around and began quickening his pace.

.o.

An hour had already passed since Lavi discovered Red was gone. Marie had been faithfully listening, searching for any noise that could possibly be their missing visitor. He _had_ actually found him a few times, but by the time Lavi, Lenalee, Miranda, or Krory got there, Red was long gone.

"Damn. It's like he's a ninja!" Lavi cried as he reclined in Komui's office with the others.

"Maybe we should just leave him be for a little bit...?" Miranda said, her statement sounding more like a question.

"But, what if he slips into the Science Department?" Lenalee said. She didn't need to explain the possibilities; they all knew it would probably end in flames and screaming.

"Oh, you're right, Lenalee. I'm sorry," Miranda apologized.

"Red's still in the building, right?" Krory asked fretfully.

"I hope. If he did get out, he might've fallen down the cliff to a horrible and painful death..." Lavi said cheerfully.

"What?!" Krory cried. "L-Lavi-"

"Shh!" Marie said loudly enough to garner everyone's attention. "I hear him, and it sounds like he's not gonna be moving for a while."

There were a few sharp intakes of breath. "Is he hurt?" Miranda asked.

"No, he's...he's _sleeping_," Marie said, with a slightly confused tinge to his voice.

"I think we should send just one person," Lenalee suggested.

"But-" Krory started.

"Lenalee's right. I doubt Red's emotional state is going to be very stable. He had started to believe that no harm was going to come to him here, and then..." Lavi trailed off.

"Who should go, then?" Miranda asked. They were silent for a moment.

"I think Lavi should go," Marie said. "He _is_ the one who's spent the most time with Red so far."

"Are you sure?" For once, Lavi sounded very unsure of himself. That was a sign that he was actually very serious about this; he wanted nothing but the best for Red.

After a bit of prodding from the others in the room, Lavi stood from his chair and started towards the door. He paused before exiting.

"Where _is_ Red?" he asked.

.o.

Jerry was in his kitchen, cooking for the stragglers in the cafeteria. He served the last few Finders and was about to begin cleaning up when he saw a familiar-looking boy at the door of the cafeteria. It was Red, and he didn't look too good.

"Red! Are you alright?" Jerry called out. He exited the kitchen (wow!) and hurried over to the boy. The closer Jerry got, the worse Red looked. His face was cheek was bruised and his head was tilted slightly as if trying to subdue a headache. Not only that, but his posture was ram-rod straight, and he had a slight limp. All in all, he looked dead on his feet.

Jerry rushed to his side, and didn't miss the flinch Red gave as the cook got close. "Honey, you look terrible."

"Tch. Thanks," Red huffed, but his comeback was missing the usual bite to it. Jerry had no clue as to what had happened to cause this change. And he didn't particularly care. Jerry's job was to take care of all of the employees at the Order, and, as far as he knew, Red was an employee.

"C'mon, sweetie. Do you want some food?" Jerry prodded gently.

"No..." Red muttered.

"Then what are you doing here? It looks like you escaped from the Infirmary." Red stared at the floor. "Did you escape from the Infirmary?" Jerry asked.

"Maybe..." Red muttered. Jerry's heart skipped a beat. He was about to drag the boy back to the Infirmary himself so the Head Nurse wouldn't kill the chef for harboring a fugitive...um, patient. But looking at the vulnerable boy, he knew he couldn't send him away.

"So, if you're on the run, why'd you come here, honey?" Jerry asked affectionately. Red looked up, surprised that the cook didn't immediately kick him out.

"I, um..." Red trailed off.

"C'mon, cutie. I'm not that grouchy Kanda; I won't judge." Red smiled a bit at that.

"I came to help wash some dishes..." Red said.

"You didn't have to do that, Red." At Red's crushed look, Jerry amended himself. "But you can if you want to."

And that was how Jerry ended up sitting in the kitchen with a sleeping Red on his lap. He was gently running his fingers through Red's maroon colored hair.

Jerry jumped a bit as Lavi stuck his head into the window. "Hey, Jerry. Is Beanie-?" He cut himself off as he spotted the dozing Red. "Aww!" Lavi cooed.

"C'mon, Lavi. Take him. He really needs his sleep," Jerry asked.

"But he's getting plenty of sleep there on your lap!" Lavi teased.

"I'm serious, Lavi. He needs his sleep," Jerry said. For once, his voice was completely devoid of his usual cheerfulness.

"Alright Jerry, I'll take him." Lavi jumped over the counter, ignoring Jerry's disapproving glare. "Here." Lavi knelt in front of Jerry with his back turned. Getting the message, Jerry carefully slid Red onto the exorcist's back. Lavi stood up, balancing Red on his back with his hands under his thighs and Red's legs on Lavi's hips.

"Use the door, Lavi!" Jerry called after the ginger. Lavi gave him a thumbs-up as they left.

He glided out of the cafeteria as Red stirred on his back from the sudden movement. Lavi instinctively readjusted him.

"Ya still owe me some answers, Pirate..." Red muttered into his shoulder. Lavi hummed in agreement.

Little did they know, the two made one of the cutest photos that the Science Department ever took.

* * *

**clot=idiot**

**cock-up=fucked up situation**


	9. Chapter 9

After they made it to Allen's room, having decided that the only reason to go to the Infirmary was to rest, and Red could rest in Allen's room, the two settled in. Red lay on Allen's bed while Lavi himself lay on the comforters scattered around the floor. They sat in silence for a few long minutes, so long that Lavi thought Red had fallen asleep, instead of getting the answers he so desired. The ginger jumped when the boy spoke.

"So, Pirate...who the 'ell is 'Allen'?" _(I know everyone is cheering right now.)_

Lavi was quiet for a moment, trying to decide what to tell Red.

"...would you believe me if I said long-lost twin brothers?" Lavi asked tentatively.

"No," Red shot down.

"Phooey. Well, you're probably not gonna believe the truth then," Lavi shrugged

"Try me," Red said, slightly exasperated with the way Lavi was dancing around the question.

And so Lavi told him. "There is this boy. His name is Allen Walker, and he's an exorcist, like me. Komui, the beret-wearing science guy you met earlier, is really eccentric and he invents things that never work. I'm not even exaggerating here. They _never_ work. This morning, he invented a machine that's supposed to shoot aerosolized coffee into the room. Of course, it didn't work. Things went boom, and Allen was caught in the crossfire. When the smoke cleared, we didn't find Allen; instead we found..."

"Me?" Lavi nodded. "Ya kiddin'!" Lavi evaluated Red's expression: doubt, shock, but a tiny bit of resignation. There was another long silence as Red pondered the possibilities.

"How old is 'e? Allen, I mean."

"He's sixteen. Do you want me to describe him to you?" Lavi asked gently.

"Do wha' ya wan'." Red brushed it off, but desperately wanted to know what he was going to grow to be...y'know, assuming Lavi wasn't insane and this was all true.

"He has white hair."

"Wha'? Why the bloody 'ell do I got white hair? Does the future me go through some sor' o' punk phase?" Red asked in astonishment.

"Um...something like that..." Lavi was hesitant to reveal the horrible details of Red's future to him. What boy wants to be told that the first person who ever loved him _died_, and was brought back to life, then tried to climb inside his skin, and then the boy kills him, right after he gets cursed by his dead loved one? Happy times.

"Anyways, he's really nice. Whenever someone asks him to do something, he tries to do it to best of his ability. Allen's always polite and he never cusses." Lavi stared pointedly at Red who huffed and looked away.

"I dunno, Pirate. He sounds like a to'al pushovuh ta me," Red scoffed.

Lavi ignored him. "The most noticeable thing about Allen is that he's short."

"Wha'? No way! 'ow tall is he?" Red argued.

"He's 5 foot 8," Lavi informed.

"Tha' is completely average fo' a sixteen year ol'! It's no' my faul' ya freakishly tall," Red countered.

"Alright. Whatever you want to think. I'm not going to argue with your _opinion_," Lavi teased. Red growled and they fell into a comfortable silence. He was on the brink of sleep when Lavi spoke up again.

"What's your life like?" Red tensed at this question, something that was not missed by the aspiring Bookman. After a long silence, Red decided to answer.

"I live a' a circus."

...

"Is that all?" Lavi questioned.

"...yep."

_This conversation is just _so_ riveting_, Lavi thought to himself. He inwardly sighed. _He looks pretty tired...Oh! I know! One of the major sleep deprivation symptoms is slight delirium. People say things without realizing, therefore I can question Beanie and he'll actually answer me if I make him more tired. It's a bit cruel...oh well. But another symptom of sleep deprivation is belligerence; he'll get more upset about trivial things. When it gets to that point, I can let him sleep._

"Do you have any pets?" Lavi asked.

"There's this dog. He's no' mine, bu' I play with 'im sometimes. He licked m' 'and once," Red giggled. _Delirium is slowly setting in_, Lavi noted.

"Who's the owner? Does he work at the circus?"

"He works as a clown in th' circus. His name's Mana." Lavi hid his reaction by turning his head slightly away. _Mana's Allen's adoptive father...who got akumafied by Allen._ The Bookman swallowed his questions._ I'll need a bit more delirium._

"What's the dog's name?" Lavi subtly prodded, mostly just trying to stall.

"The dog's named...oh _hell_ no!" Red sat up in bed. "Wha' fuckin' wazzock decided ta name me aftuh a dog?!"

Lavi felt like he was missing something. "Beanie? What are you talking about?"

"The bloody dog's name is _Allen_!" Red stared at Lavi with indignant eyes. Lavi stared back and started laughing. He doubled over from where he was sitting on the floor and held his sides. After a solid minute without breathing, Lavi started to calm down and looked back at Red, who was looking even more indignant by the second, with his arms folded over his chest.

"Shut it, ya divvy! It wasn' tha' funny!" Red blushed as he glared at the pirate. Lavi gasped for breath.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry," Lavi panted, the shit-eating grin on his face telling a completely different story than what he was saying. The two lapsed into another silence, lying back down on their respective areas.

"So, did you like it at the circus?" Lavi started. Red sighed. _We're _still_ talkin'? I'm so friggin' tired...Le's jus' get this ovuh with._

"No, not really," Red answered, hesitant to talk about it. Lavi raised an eyebrow at him, prompting him to continue.

"It-it was 'orrible. Poxy pay, poxy food, poxy people. I stayed away as much as I could, bu' I couldn' leave. I needed the food," Red mumbled, on the edge of sleep.

Lavi remained silent, waiting for more elaboration.

"There's this man. 'is name's Cosimo. He's the othuh clown in the circus, bu' Mana was a helluva lo' bettuh than him. Cosimo was jealous, an' instead o' tryin' ta ge' bettuh, he bea' me up to release his anguh o' some bullshi' like that'. I couldn' figh' back 'cause o' this damned arm. No' ta mention I'm eight-ish. I don' even know m' own birthday; isn' tha' sad?" Red gave a self-depreciating laugh.

Lavi shuddered a bit, thinking about what Red could've been going through for the eight...ish years of his life. Even to a Bookman who's seen too many wars, hearing about irrational cruelty and unnecessary hardships being forced onto a friend is similar to a dagger being thrust into Lavi's heart. He knew he had to do his job as a Bookman, but right now...he really didn't want to.

Red continued speaking. "I'm no' gonna say bullshit like _Ya don' unduhstand wha' I've been through_. 'cause fo' all I know, ya coulda had a life tha' makes mine seem easy. Ya prolly have, actually. Bu' it's still hard. Ya have this-this uncontrollable rage in ya, bu' ya know tha if ya try ta figh' back, it'll only do more harm than good. So ya jus' havta sit there an' le' him punch ya, ovuh an' ovuh an' ovuh, until ya can' even feel ya body anymore. An' when ya ge' up the nex' mornin', an' ya walk aroun' the circus with a face lookin' like hamburger, nobody gives two shits about it. Nobody asks if ya alright. Nobody cares. An' tha's the wors' part. Nobody cares. An' you don' really care eithuh. I mean, it's only gonna happen again in a day o' two."

Red laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling above him. His mind was a swirling mess of doubts and worries and still that ball of anger that had yet to dissapate. If it ever will. He desperately wanted to trust the exorcists, but he's never been able to trust anyone in his life. Trust was a foreign thing to him. But if there's ever going to be a group of people he could trust, it's going to be these nutters.

The two talked for another hour or so, Lavi describing the different things revolving around Allen's life. The Fourteenth. Noah. Akuma. Exorcists. Innocence. Rouvelier. About how Red was going to be getting a stalker soon, and how that stalker's name is Link. And how Lavi will help Red fuck with the stalker. As Red began yawning almost every other minute, Lavi decided to leave him be. But Red had one last question.

He turned over in his bed to face Lavi, wincing as his ribs twinged in protest. Smothering the pain (because that's always healthy), he looked at the pirate. "Wha' abou' tha' tranny? Wha's gonna happen ta 'im?" Red asked.

"Honestly? I don't know. He's probably gonna get in trouble. But they called a council and the heads of the different branches are gonna discuss it. Yu probably won't get into that much trouble, 'cause nobody likes Rouvelier. But don't tell him I said that," Lavi whispered conspiratorially. Red ignored him.

"Since Rouvelier can't outrightly get punished, Yu's slight lack of punishment will be the Inspector's punishment. You know what I mean, Beanie?" Red ignored him again.

"Beanie. Beanie~?" Lavi got up from his small nest on the floor and walked over to the bed. Red was sleeping peacefully, albeit his breathing was a bit shallower than normal, but that was a given with injured ribs. Lavi brushed the boy's auburn hair gently away from his eyes and walked to the door.

Turning around, Lavi quietly said, "Good night. Allen." The Bookman left.

The door shut and Red opened his eyes. The pirate had had a lot of chances to hurt Red, but he didn't. And that in itself was enough to push Red.

Push him enough to trust these nutters.

...If only Lavi had noticed how abnormally hot Red's forehead was.

* * *

**divvy=idiot**

**poxy=shitty**


	10. Chapter 10

Cosimo towered over him, kicking his stomach as Red tried to curl in on himself. The strikes hit his stomach, making him spew out blood every so often. Fire erupted all over his body after every hit. Again and again, until Red felt like his ribs had shattered and pierced every single one of his organs, which they probably had. After an eternity or two, the blows stopped coming. Slowly, painfully, Red lifted his head and peered through blurry eyes at what had happened. Lavi stood next to Cosimo, probably yelling at the clown; Red's ears were muffled from the pain. There was many hand gestures from the two as their fight intensified.

"P-Pirate?" Red coughed out, as the fire enveloped his body again because of the light rumble of his words. Blood waterfalled down his chin. Lavi turned to look at him, with a kind but worried smile on his face. A smile that said, _Don't worry; everything will be fine._

But his smile turned to horror in a flash. Wondering what had caused the change, Red looked around. He saw Cosimo behind Lavi. Holding a knife. And the tip of the knife exiting from Lavi's stomach.

"No! Pirate!" Struggling to his feet, Red limped over as Lavi fell to the floor. Red knelt beside him, staring into the Bookman's dead eyes with the horror still imprinted onto his rapidly cooling face. Red felt warmth on his legs. Looking down, he saw a quickly expanding pool of blood soaking his pants and staining them with the crimson color of death.

Red's hands shook as he tried to take in the situation. He stayed on his knees, ignoring the fact that he was becoming covered in Lavi's blood, and stared at Lavi, hoping beyond hopes that he would jump to his feet and laugh, revealing that it was all a twisted joke. Nothing happened. A sound in front of the boy made him look up.

Cosimo stood in front of him, the knife still clenched in his hand, and a nightmare-inducing smile plastered on his face. Red looked behind the disturbed clown and saw almost indistinguishable lumps behind him. Red swallowed the bile in the back of his throat as he realized what they were. Bodies. Krory. Lenalee. Jerry. Miranda. Kanda. Komui. Dead. Every single one of them.

He couldn't hold it back anymore as Cosimo began tossing the bloodied knife between his hands. Red screamed as loud as he could. It was a scream of fear and pain and anger and insanity. He didn't know what he could do. There _was_ nothing to do. They were dead and they were never coming back. The only people ever who didn't run away screaming when they saw his damned hand. They were dead because of him. He grabbed tufts of his hair in his hands and shook his head.

"No. No. No. No," Red muttered to himself. He vaguely saw Cosimo coming closer with that maniacal smile, but Red honestly didn't care. Cosimo reached down and grabbed his shoulders, gently shaking him. Pain flamed through his body. Red shut his eyes and didn't even bother to fight back.

"Red. Red. Red! Wake up! Red!" Red opened his eyes gingerly and saw an unfamiliar man standing over him. He had blonde braided hair and two distinctive moles dotting his forehead. Instantly on high alert, Red jumped out of bed and ran to the other side of the room, shaking from adrenaline and fear. He was desperately trying to understand the situation when he realized the stranger was still talking.

"Red. It's okay. You were having a nightmare, but everything's fine." Red blinked at the man. Then he sprinted to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. He hugged the toilet as he started dry heaving. Red felt the urge to cry, but bit his lips to keep the tears at bay. His teeth dug into his lip hard enough to draw blood, but the taste of the copper-like liquid only served to remind him of the horrid dream. He heaved again into the toilet bowl, but by this time, his stomach was empty and nothing came out. Red got to his feet and rinsed his mouth in the sink. Swallowing some water, he began coughing. Red gasped for breath for a minute or two, until his breathing slowed to a normal pace. He stood there staring at the mirror for who knows how long until he heard the door to the other room swing shut, and a familiar voice speaking.

Red spun to the door and sprinted into the bedroom.

"Pirate!" Red ran into Lavi and hugged him. Lavi's eye widened in astonishment as Red not only made contact willingly, but also instigating it. But the Bookman took it in stride and wrapped his own arms around the still-shaking boy.

"Beanie, what were you dreaming about?" Link had told Lavi the basics of what had happened; Link had come into the room, where Red had been thrashing. He had started screaming, and then completely stopped moving and was only muttering to himself. After Link woke him up, Red had run to the bathroom and that was when Link went to get Lavi, who had been reported as the person closest to the deaged Allen Walker.

Red muttered into Lavi's side with a raspy voice, "Ya were dead. Ya were all dead. It was m' faul'." Lavi looked even more shocked as he knelt down in front of Red. Suspiciously, Red's face wasn't blotchy. It was obvious he was terribly shaken up, but he hadn't cried. _Duly noted._

"Beanie, it's alright. I'm safe, you're safe. We're all fine. Even grumpy Yu. The council just decided to give him a few days in the dungeon, which really isn't bad at all." Lavi kept looking at Red, deducing that the dream had been worse than Red was letting on. "I'll talk to Komui about this; it might be a side-effect, and...Beanie, your skin is really hot." Lavi put the back of his hand up to the boy's forehead. "Beanie! You have a really high fever! Why didn't you say something before?!" Lavi picked up the slightly dazed Red and put him in the bed, gently tucking him in.

"Link, can you get some medicine from Section Chief Reever? Reever, not Komui. _not_ Komui," Lavi emphasized. Link left with a nod. Lavi went to the bathroom to get a glass of water from the bathroom. _Why is there a clean cup in here? And a whole bunch of plates, and forks, and napkins-wait. This is Allen's room. He probably has a stash of non-perishables in here._ He came back into the room and walked over to the bedside.

"Beanie," Lavi said, as he put the cup of water on the nightstand. He gently shook Red's shoulder, awakening the sick boy from a state of half-sleep. "The guy who just left? That's Link. Remember our talk from last night: you have to be outwardly nice to him. Keep the British accent, because it's pretty cute; might make Double-Mole like you," Lavi teased. Red absently nodded.

There was a wooden chair tucked into the corner of the room. He gently carried it and placed it next to the bed. Lavi shoved down the guilt trying to push its way up Lavi's throat; he really regretted making Red stay up for so long last night. If he had gone to bed earlier, he probably wouldn't be as sick as he was now.

Lavi sighed and stroked Red's hair, a bit hesitantly after Red's violent flinch.

Red coughed. "Ugh...wha's wrong wit' me, Pirate?"

"You might have a cold. We can take you down to the Infirmary later to let the Head Nurse check you out." At Red's distressed expression, Lavi added, "But you probably won't have to stay there! I can take care of you in here." Red responded with another cough.

"Oww..." Red moaned. He sat up and held his hands up to his ribs.

"Your ribs haven't healed all the way yet. That's gonna hurt," Lavi said with a sympathetic smile. "Try not to cough too much."

"Oh, yeah. 'Cause _tha's_ always easy," Red said snidely, but the effect was ruined by the cough that followed, and the groan thereafter. Lavi snickered.

"Thank ya. Thank ya fo' laughin' a' my pain," Red added sardonically. He pulled up his knees and dropped his forehead onto them. Lavi was stopped from responding by Link who entered the room with an inconspicuous brown bag.

"Section Chief Reever gave me this bag because he said, _It looks boring, therefore it's Komui-proof_." It was obvious Link had resigned himself to the weirdness of the other members, but still found himself oddly amused from time to time.

"Thank you, Inspector Double-Mole," Lavi teased, taking the bag from Link.

Link tch-ed indignantly. "My name is Link! Not 'Double-Mole!"

Lavi ignored him as he reached into the mystery bag. He pulled out a bottle with a dark liquid sloshing about inside. Gently twisting the cap off, he poured a bit into a spoon. "Now, open wide, Beanie!" Lavi said cheerfully, with a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. Red sluggishly brought his head up.

Red raised an unamused eyebrow at the Bookman. "Wha' the bleedin' 'ell 'ave ya go' in tha' spoon?"

"It's medicine!" Lavi chirped, gesturing the spoon towards Red's mouth. Red blinked at the endlessly happy man.

"What? Have you never had medicine before?" Lavi asked, astonished.

"Wha' do _you_ think?" Red sneered. He sneezed, and at least had the graciousness to turn his head away.

"Just trust me. It'll make you feel better~," Lavi said with a sing-songy tone obvious in his voice. He grinned like a shark with a twinkle of mischief dancing in his eye.

"Why do I no' trus' ya?" Red asked sarcastically.

"C'mon, just drink it, Beanie!" Lavi started pushing the spoon closer and closer to Red's face. Red got out from under the covers and scrambled to the other side of the bed.

"No! I' looks like death!" Red protested. Lavi began chasing Red around the bed, while Link stared on, a good distance away.

"Beanie, stop resisting!" Lavi whined. Lavi cut him off and shoved the spoon into his mouth.

Red reflexively gagged, but swallowed the potion from hell. "Wha' the fuckin' hell was tha'? It tastes like arse! Ugh, my throat's burning!" Red fell off of the bed and landed on his hands and knees. He started violently coughing and Lavi rushed to his side.

"Dammit! Link, are you _sure_ Komui didn't touch this?" Lavi shouted, as he tried to decide what to do to help with his hand on Red's shaking back.

"I took extra precautions, Bookman Jr." Link said with an infuriting level of calm. Just as Lavi turned around to yell at Link and his apathy, Red gasped.

"Gahh..." Red panted for a few seconds and then looked up at Lavi. "I feel a bi' bettuh."

Lavi sat back on his heels and stared at Red in disbelief. "Really? That's all you're gonna say? You were on the floor, hacking your guts out, and now you're like, _Oh, 'm a'righ', Pira'_!" Lavi drawled in a horrible fake British accent. Red rolled his eyes and choked out a small cough.

Lavi chuckled and stood up. He stretched a helping hand down to Red, who took it after only a slight hesitation.

"Ugh..." Red stumbled forward, into Lavi's hands.

"Easy there. What's wrong?" Lavi asked, his face regaining his concerned expression.

"Nothin' really...excep' the damned room's spinnin' 'round me," Red gasped, as he almost fell back to his knees before the Bookman caught him.

"Well," Lavi said as he brought Red back to his bed. "We aren't doing that again."

"No shit," he muttered. Red started coughing a bit more. It was true that he did feel a bit better, but it was only the ringing in his ears that had went away. And his headache had lessened a little. But he still felt crappy.

"I think...I'm jus' gonna...lay 'ere fo' a bi', alrigh' Pirate?" Red said as he burrowed deeper into his blankets.

"Sure thing, Beanie." Lavi began running his fingers through the boy's hair again, but this time, Red didn't flinch. His breathing evened out and he fell asleep.

"Thanks for all the concern, Inspector Double-Mole," Lavi said snidely.

"I wasn't concerned because I have faith in Section Chief Reever," Link said with a holier-than-thou tone and an upturned nose.

Just as Lavi turned towards Link to say some possibly regrettable things to him, there was a soft knock at the door.

"Come in," Lavi called. A shy Finder peaked into the room.

"Um, Chief Komui wants to see you, Exorcist Lavi. I think it's about a mission."

"Can you tell him Red's sick?" Lavi asked.

"Well, um, I _could_, but a lot of other Exorcists are going on this mission, too. And they need all the help they can get, what with Exorcist Allen Walker not being here." Red stirred at the sound of his other name.

The Finder looked incredibly embarrassed for speaking out against an Exorcist, but Lavi just sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hand.

"Alright. Link, can you watch over Red until I get back? And actually take care of him?" Lavi asked with doubt in his voice.

"I will care for him to the best of my ability," Link said all business-like. Lavi just sighed again and got up from his seat.

"Oh, and...Geoffrey? That's your name, right?" Lavi asked.

The Finder nodded meekly.

"Can you get the Head Nurse and send her over to this room? Tell her Red has a fever and a cough." Geoffrey nodded again. "Thanks, Geoffrey," Lavi said with a smile as he followed the nervous Finder out of the room. He stopped at the doorway and looked back at Link.

"If anything happens to him, just remember: I'm a Bookman, and I know more than a thousand ways to kill somebody." Lavi gave the Inspector a bright smile and walked out the door.

"That's just cheery." Link sighed as he sat down in the chair previously occupied by the Bookman Jr.

"At least this...'Red' seems pretty calm. Well, obviously; he's Allen Walker, the nicest exorcist at the Black Order. Of course, a young version's going to be nice." Link's incorrect musings were interrupted by a knock at the door, sounding careful and yet impatient at the same time.

"Come in," the Inspector called softly, in respect for the sleeping boy.

The impressive form of the Head Nurse filled the doorway, along with a large black bag in her hands.

"Is Red hurt again?" the Head Nurse asked, exasperated.

"No, he has a high fever and a cough this time." Link politely stood from his chair and took a few big steps back to give the Nurse space to work.

The Head Nurse walked over to the bed and set her bag on the now unoccupied chair, pulling out some medical tools to examine the sleeping boy.

The prodding woke Red who dazedly looked around. He blinked a few times to try and get the sleep out of his eyes.

"Gah!" Red yelled as he saw a manly woman hovering over his face and he sat up in bed. He gripped his ribs until the pain subsided.

"Red. How are you feeling?" the Nurse asked gently.

"M' head an' m' throa' hurts an' 'm really tired...why d'ya care, anyways?" Red asked suspiciously. His statement was followed by a cough and the Nurse handed him a glass of water.

"My job is to take care of all members, and guests, of the Black Order. You're very sick, Red. You have a fever of 102.3, and that's extremely dangerous , especially for someone of your age. Please, let me take care of you." The Head Nurse smiled at him.

"Ya...ya no' gonna try an' wash m' mouth ou' with soap again, are you?" Red asked, slightly fearful. Link raised an eyebrow. _Is the Head Nurse abusing her patients?_ Link speculated.

"Only if you use that foul language again. Children shouldn't know those words, let alone say them. Do you understand?" the Nurse asked.

"Yeah..." Red grumbled.

"It's 'Yes, ma'am.' " she corrected.

"Yes, ma'am," Red repeated with a scornful expression, followed by another cough.

"Red, your condition seems a bit...irregular. Did you do something else?" the Nurse pried.

Red thought for a bit, until Link spoke up. "Bookman Jr. asked me to get some special medicine from the Science Department."

Red subtly glared at Link for throwing Lavi under the bus.

Meanwhile, the Head Nurse's eyes bugged out of her head. "Inspector! You allowed Red to drink something from the _Science Department_?!" she screeched. Obviously, she ignored the part where Link was trying to be slick and pass off the blame to the absent party. "Did Komui touch it, in any way?" she asked frantically.

"No, I made positive he didn't even know what was happening," Link said, inwardly sweatdropping at the instant panic of the Head Nurse. "Section Chief Reever handed it to me."

The Nurse sighed. "Komui is known for tampering with most, if not all, of Reever's experiments."

"Wai'. So wha's irregular abou' m' condition? It can' be tha' bad, can i'?" Red asked, gradually becoming more worried.

"It's not life threatening; the potion only raised your core temperature but is keeping most of the symptoms away. In short, you're body is hotter than it should be, yet it's not affecting you much. It's mostly just expending more of your body's energy."

"Okay...so?" Red asked. _I really don' see th' poin' 'ere..._

"I have some _real_ medicine in my bag here. Take a spoonful every four hours until your fever goes down. Sleep as much as you can; but that might not be much of a problem. The fever combined with Reever's 'medicine'," She used her fingers as quotation marks. "And my medicine along with your lack of sleep," She gave a half-hearted glare towards Red. "Will make you very drowsy. Whenever you wake up, I expect Link to go get you a bowl of Jerry's special soup. Alright?" She aimed her questioning eyebrow towards the unwitting Inspector.

"Um, yes, ma'am." Link habitually saluted to the imposing woman.

"Good. Now," She reached into her bag and pulled out a different bottle of medicine, this one a red-orange color. "Open your mouth." She poured out a spoonful of medicine and gestured towards Red, much like the Bookman Jr. had only a little bit earlier.

Red had half a mind to try and resist, but one glare from the Head Nurse and he submitted, letting his jaw fall open. She gently placed the spoon in his mouth with a professional hand.

"Ugh..." Red coughed. "Tha' tastes 'orrible!"

"Deal with it. Link will enforce your temporary regimen. Now, I think that is all, yes?" The Head Nurse put her tools back in her bag and began to leave.

"Wai'! Why am I feelin' like this anyway?" Red asked before the Head Nurse reached the door.

"Your body is mainly just trying to adjust to being taken care of. This'll pass in a day or two. Now, go to sleep," the Nurse ordered, seeing how tired Red was from just sitting up and having a conversation.

"And you, Inspector, if you don't watch over Red and actually take care of him, remember, I'm the one who patches you up. You wouldn't want to..._accidentally_ get an infection, would you?" Her eyes sparked in the darkness of her overshadowed face. The experienced Crow got chills while the ever "innocent" Red sat on the bed and blinked between the two.

"Yes," Link promised. The Head Nurse left with one more glare.

Link sighed once more and made eye contact with Red.

"So...do you want the soup now?" Link asked, deciding that he would rather deal with babysitting than having an angry Nurse and Bookman on his tail for probably years to come.

"Sure, Mistuh...wha's ya name again?" Red asked politely.

"You can call me Link," the Inspector responded, equally polite.

"Yes, Mistuh Link," Red smiled like an angel. Link looked fairly impressed at his manners. _Is this clo' fo' serious? Does he really believe m' goodie-goodie act? Wha' th' bloody 'ell...Pirate said Mistuh Double-Mole was smart._

"Well, Red, I'll go get you some soup before you fall asleep, alright?" Link said as he walked towards the door.

"Thank ya, mistuh," Red kept the smile plastered on his face until the door shut behind Link. His face dropped into the ever-present scowl.

"Tch. Who knew smilin' could be so tirin'?" Red complained. He swung his feet off the edge of the bed.

"Bloody, 'ell..." Red grumbled as he waited for the world to stop spinning. "I'm definitely no' stayin' 'ere with tha' stiff. Nor am I gonna drink tha' fuckin' death juice again."

Red finally got on his feet and started coughing from exertion. After it passed, he began stumbling to the door.

"Why'd i' ge' so cold all o' a sudden? I's this damned place. E'erythin's bipolar in 'ere," Red sighed, completely misunderstanding the situation. He rubbed his shoulder with his good hand in a futile attempt to warm up.

He trotted out of the room and walked down the hallway at a leisurely pace, his hands in his pockets.

Only a few minutes had passed before Red started panting.

"Holy shi'...why is this bloody hallway flippin' all ovuh the place? Crap..." Red staggered over to the right side of the hallway and placed his good hand on the wall to try and regain his balance. His dizziness skewed his perception, though, and his hand didn't even reach the wall. Red pitched forward.

Scrunching his eyes up to brace for impact, he didn't see the hands that caught him until he was being lifted into the air.

"Wha'...?" Red breathed.

Link sighed. "I was told you were a flight risk, but I didn't realize you'd leave while you're crippled by fever." Link started walking in the opposite direction with the boy hanging limp over his shoulder. "Why _did_ you leave anyway?"

_Think like Allen. Think like Allen. Well...Pirate said he's always polite. Um, maybe 'e didn' wan' people ta have ta take care o' him...eh, migh' as well go wit' tha'. I've go' nothin' bettuh._

"Sorry, Mistuh Link. I jus' didn' wan' ta make ya have ta babysit me," Red said in his most pathetic voice. He coughed feebly to add to the image.

Link sighed again, probably for the tenth time since he met Red. Seems like there's going to be more of those from now on. "That seems like something you would do." Link rolled his eyes out of eyesight from Red, then coughed to cover up his moment of temporary unprofessionalism.

"Well, when we get back, you can eat your soup and go to bed. Alright, Red?" Link asked.

Red responded with a soft snore.

Link sighed. Again.

.o.

"Well that was one of the biggest wastes of time, _ever_," Lavi muttered to himself as he walked down the empty hallways with his hands linked behind his head.

The oh-so-important mission that Geoffrey had _insisted_ he went on had been a bust. They had taken a train to one of the largest amusement parks in the world, with the largest lines. Not only were the exorcists not allowed to cut despite their Rose Cross Privileges, they had had to wait for _two hours_, just to get into the damned place. And they never got to ride any rides or have any fun. But they did get to see _other_ people having fun. Yay. And there wasn't any Innocence, or Accommodators. Hell, there wasn't even an akuma lurking around. The only reason why so many exorcists were needed was because they had to search all over the park, which was _huge_.

"I'll check on Beanie, and then I'm going to sleep. Hopefully, the kid hasn't given Link a heart attack yet. Doubtful. But one can dream..." Lavi mused to himself as he strolled down the hallway, his hammer swinging in his holster along with the rhythm of his step.

Eventually, he reached Allen's room. "Hmm...it's almost _too_ quiet." Lavi cautiously pushed the door open and peaked his head in. He gasped at the sight inside the dark room and stumbled away from the door. His eye bulged in shock and Lavi paused to try and regain his thought process. Once he did, Lavi turned and sprinted down the hall.

Five minutes later, he returned, with something in hand. He poked his head into the room again, and used the camera in his hand, that he had gotten from the Science Department a few minutes earlier.

Lavi's camera captured the moment of Red sleeping on the dozing Link's lap, his head resting on the Inspector's shoulder.

* * *

**clo' (clot)=idiot**

**The D. Gray-Man world _does_ have cameras and toilets: When Johnny and Kanda were looking for Allen in the Searching for A.W. arc, they were showing a picture of Allen and co. around. And in the Alma Karma arc, Johnny was puking into a toilet after seeing Alma for the first time.**

**And I'm fairly certain that Allen doesn't have a bathroom connected to his bedroom, but whatever.**


	11. Chapter 11

**.x. - POV change .o. - timeskip**

**nesh=not strong, weak**

* * *

The next day was spent with Lavi tracking Red down every time he escaped the room, and Link casually observing and not lifting a finger to help except for the occasional "helpful" (read: _not_ helpful) remark:

"Did you check his room?"

"He probably went somewhere else."

"Maybe he walked off."

It was enough to make Lavi want to put his hammer in his mouth and make it "grow, grow, grow".

But they (read: Lavi with the stalker Link) always found the mischievous boy walking around here and there, half delirious from exhaustion and fever. Luckily, Reever's potion didn't seem to have a very important effect. So, one worry gone, only a million more to go.

The day after that, Red was perfectly fine. His headache was gone, his throat didn't hurt, and he had stopped sneezing every other second. Lavi said that it had passed and Red was free of babysitters.

Just kidding.

Everywhere Red went, Link followed, like a lost dog. It was beyond irritating. But Red had kept up the "good boy" facade, knowing in his heart that it would come in handy.

And Red soon realized one advantage of being innocent. Or, rather, innocent-_looking_.

The two were in the cafeteria, where Link had found Red after he disappeared again.

"Mistuh Link! Mistuh Jerry le' me help in th' kitchen, an' I made some juice fo' ya," Red smiled up at the Inspector as he cradled a slightly glowing (no, it had to be a trick of the lights...right?) green concoction in a tall glass cup. Link _really_ didn't want to drink that. But the way the British boy was staring up at him with those big silver eyes...damn it.

Link forced a false smile back to the boy as he took the cup. "Thank you, Red. It looks good," Link lied. He held his breath (it would be a bit obvious if he plugged his nose) and chugged the drink.

Almost immediately, his scalp began burning. If not for his training as a Crow, he would've dropped the cup out of surprise. His head didn't hurt; rather, there was intense itching on every strand of hair.

He looked down at the slightly surprised-looking Red who was staring up at Link's hair.

"Gah! Red, what did you put in that juice?!" Link asked sternly. He struggled to keep from vigorously rubbing his slightly aching head.

Red kept staring at the Crow's hair and shakily answered, "J-jus' things I found in th' kitchen...an' some sweetenuh I found on th' countuh. I'm sorry; I didn' know." His eyes never left the clueless Crow's hair. His bottom lip trembled even though Red was biting it. He looked distressed, but his eyes weren't teary. Link apparently didn't notice the lack of salt water.

"Why do you keep staring at me like that?" Link asked, worried about the answer.

Red blinked. "U-um...ya hair..." Link's eyes widened and he ran off to the closest mirror, which was somewhere outside of the cafeteria.

Red kept biting his lips until Link was out of earshot. Finally, Red let his smile pop on his face and the laugh that he had been desperately trying to hold exploded out. He fell on the floor, holding his side and laughing until he gasped for breath.

"Oh...my...god..." Red panted. He didn't realize someone was standing over him until a full minute later. He still laid on the floor and half-heartedly glared at the smiling Timothy.

"Red, that was pretty good," Timothy said with respect in his voice.

"Yeah, I know." Red was too happy to even try to be mean to Timothy.

"I mean, seriously. Who knew Double-Mole had a weakness for puppy dog eyes?"

"He really _does_ 'ave a heart."

"I can't believe you used chemicals to dye his hair hot pink!"

The two were reminded of Link's predicament and started laughing again.

"An' I've still go' two more," Red laughed as he pulled out the vials in question: one blue and one red. "Snatched 'em from the Science Departmen'. I don't e'en know wha' they do! Jus' tha' they prolly won' kill 'im." The boys smiled at each other and felt a spark of kinship founded on a mutual desire for mischief.

"I'm helping you next time," Timothy said with the mirth still in his voice.

"Sure thin', Nesh," Red said, still chillin' on the floor.

"What?" Timothy squawked. " 'Nesh'? What does that even mean?"

Red ignored his protests. "I dunno if 'Mistuh' Link's gonna drink two mo' o' my 'juices' so I need anothuh set o' puppy dog eyes ta back me up."

"Ah, fine. I'll ignore your nickname for me and we can be partners," Timothy sighed as if he were merely humoring a child instead of doing something HE himself had suggested. Red raised an eyebrow but, instead of commenting, he sat up in slight alarm.

"Stalkuh's comin' back. Bugger off! He can' know we're workin' togethuh ye'!" Red ordered as he made a shooing gesture with his hands. He got to his feet and regained his angelic look, his hands clasped together and hanging in front of him. Timothy scurried off.

The Crow stormed into the cafeteria, looking to hurt someone. But when he saw Red's guilty expression, he knew he couldn't be mad at the boy; he had done nothing wrong. It was just a mistake.

Link visibly deflated as his anger was released in a heavy sigh. His normally blonde hair was now neon pink, and soaking wet from his attempt to wash the color out.

"Mi-Mistuh Link! I really am sorry! M-maybe we can ge' somethin' from the Science Departmen' ta fix i'. Chief Komui prolly has loads o' chemicals ta use," Red said, trying to "help".

"If I try to fix this using _more _Komui 'inventions', it'll only end up worse. No, I'll just talk to Reever and have him make something for me," Link sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I-I am sorry..." Red stuttered. His large silver eyes sparkled.

"It's alright. No one was hurt. It was a one time thing."

.o.

The next day...

"Red, I've been running around looking for you. Where have you been all day?" a slightly frazzled Link asked. True to his word, Link _had_ been running around the Black Order searching for his lost charge. And here he was, in the cafeteria standing next to the slightly shorter Timothy with his hands behind his back.

"Me an' Ne-Timmy were makin' somethin' fo' ya! We spen' all day! I's ta make up fo' yestuhday, " Red said enthusiastically. He pulled out another cup from behind his back, this time glowing blue. The boy held it out to Link with his right hand

Link felt a chill go down his back. His senses screamed _HELL NO_. And that's what he said to the two boys.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to drink that," Link said with brutal honesty. The boys faces simultaneously fell.

"I-I'm sorry..." Red said as he lowered his hand. "I jus' wanted ta try an' make ya happy. But, i's alrigh'; I get it." Red's lip trembled slightly and his eyes shined.

"Are you sure, Link?" Timothy pressed. "Please? He spent a really long time to make it."

"Timmy helped too! He made sure I didn't use anythin' bad this time." Red chirped eagerly.

Twin sets of puppy dog eyes stared up at the Crow, and that, along with the guilting words, dragged another sigh out of him. Once again, his instincts kept screaming at him, _WHAT THE HELL? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID OR SOMETHING?! DON'T DRINK IT. DON'T DRINK IT! DO YOU _WANT_ TO EXPLODE?_

He was on the verge of being persuaded by his (angry-sounding) conscience, until he looked back to the two young boys and their sad eyes worked magic on his soul. _I'm _so_ going to regret this. So, so much._

Link felt like crying as he answered. "Sure. I'll drink it, if it means that much to you," Link said with a smile so tight it seemed a miracle if he could open his mouth to even drink the potion.

The boys practically cheered as they watched the Crow take the cup. He reluctantly drank the blue concoction and put the cup down on a nearby table.

After a few tense seconds of nothingness happening, Link thought to himself, _Hey! I didn't explode._

But then his skin started tingling. And then itching. And then burning. And then...

Sparkling?

His skin was sparkling.

_My skin is sparkling?!_ Link thought to himself, gradually starting to panic.

"O-oi, Mistuh Link! Ya sparklin'! Wha' 'appened?" Red asked. His voice outwardly appeared worried, but there was something else in it that Link couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Link! Why'd you start sparkling all of a sudden?" Timothy asked. A tick mark appeared on Link's forehead.

"Like you don't know!" Link burst out. "Stop poisoning me!" Their reaction was instant. Red and Timothy both dropped their heads so synchronously, that it seemed rehearsed. They each knew how to manipulate adults as easily as twitching their pinkies.

Red looked up first. He started sobbing and covered his eyes with his right forearm. "I-I'm s-sorry, Mistuh L-Link!" he hiccuped. Timothy, assuming the role of a (slightly) older, protective brother, put his arm around Red who put his face in Timothy's chest. Timothy half-heartedly glared at the Crow. Link was incredibly startled at the sudden bawling, and looked around the room, hoping for a bit of help. Instead, he was met with disappointed and irritated expressions as the Finders and scientists glared at the man who had made a little boy cry. Never mind the fact that said boy had turned the man into a sparkly pinkette.

"Um...Red. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. P-please stop crying," the sparkling man asked. Red pulled his face out of Timothy's shoulder and rubbed his eyes.

"Are ya still mad a' us?" Red asked pitifully.

Link sighed. "No, I'll just go talk to Reever again; I'm sure he can make me another cure along with the one for my hair. And Timothy, I thought you were there to keep Red from using any mysterious objects."

"I was! We only used some red apples and a nice and shiny blue apple!" Timothy defended.

Link mentally facepalmed. Then he decided that wasn't enough and physically facepalmed. "Timothy. Blue apples don't occur naturally occur in the world."

"Oh. Oops?" Timothy said as he sheepishly smiled.

_Sigh..._ "Just make sure it doesn't happen again. Please. For the sake of my sanity," Link practically begged. "Stay here, Red. I'm gonna talk to Reever about this." Link walked off.

Red and Timothy started laughing even harder than yesterday. "Wha' the 'ell?! He looks like a bloody vampire!" Red yelled.

"How are we gonna do this again? He won't come come near us if we're even holding a glass of water," Timothy asked.

Red started thinking up different possibilities, since he was the brains of this operation. "Well, are there any othuh eigh' year olds 'round here? If he makes three li'l kids cry in th' middle o' th' room, all these Finduhs are gonna force him ta drink it."

"There aren't any other kids, I think. But there is a kid-like person..." Timothy said with a grin splitting his face. He explained the plan to Red and they laughed at the outrageousness of it. After they calmed down, Timothy brought up one thing that he had been thinking this entire time.

"Red, why don't you start fake-crying? It would definitely help if Link saw the actual tears," Timothy asked.

Red shrugged. "I don't cry, Nesh."

"Never?" Timothy asked in disbelief. All children of their age cried at least once a week.

"Nevuh."

"Why not? What about when you're really sad?"

"I jus' don'. I don' like cryin' so I haven' fo' a while." Timothy frowned at Red. There was something horribly wrong with a little boy who hasn't cried for who knows how long, especially since he's had such a rough life. But Timothy had a short attention span, him being a nine year old and all. He blew past it and eagerly suggested a possible new recruit.

.o.

The next day...

"No! You three keep that away from me! Don't come any closer!" Link shouted frantically as he backed away from the mischievous trio.

Once again, they were in the cafeteria, and once again, Red was offering a toxic looking (this time, red) drink to the still-sparkling pinkette.

But Red and Timothy had included one more person into their fold. Someone almost as impish as the other two. Someone who had no problem with being on Link's bad side. Someone very good at lying.

Someone with an eye patch.

"Especially _you_, Lavi! For all I know, you've been slipping them the chemicals in the first place! Taking advantage of their naive ignorance," Link blamed, not knowing that if anyone was corrupting people, it was going to be Red.

Simultaneously, the mischievous three pouted at Link's accusations.

"C'mon, Double-Mole! Drink it! I dare you!" Lavi grinned sharkishly.

"No. Never again. Reever is already extremely busy without him having to create antidotes for my many ailments that you kids keep forcing on me," Link countered with a woe-is-me expression.

Lavi squawked indignantly, "I'm not a kid! I'm older than eighteen! It's these two that are kids!" Lavi pointed at Timothy and Red.

"I'm not drinking that," Link ignored. He had to look away from the two young boys to ensure that their seemingly magical abilities had no effect on him.

"Ugh, fiiine. Just know that they only wanted to try and do something nice for you," Lavi informed. He leaned towards the Crow, using a hand to block his mouth from the boys' line of sight, and whispered, "Red's never had anyone take care of him before, so being here with friends is a very different experience. He feels like he's not doing anything to deserve it, so he just keeps trying to do little things like delivering coffee to the Science Department and making juice for his favorite stalker."

"I-no. I'm sorry, but I value my well-being more than someone's feelings," Link decided. Lavi simply raised his eyebrow at the Crow as if trying to say _Do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth? You cold-hearted bastard._

"That's my final decision," Link stated.

"Tch. Alright. I can't force you to drink it. But you're the one who's gonna have to tell Red and Timothy you won't," Lavi compromised. Link sighed.

The Crow knelt in front of the two anticipating boys, Red with the red liquid in the cup still clutched in his right hand. "Um, Red, Timothy-" The Crow was interrupted by the splashing of a liquid in his face...and into his opened mouth. "Gah!" he screeched as he scrambled backwards. But the damage was already done.

Before Link started to accuse Red or Timothy, he examined the scene before him. Red looked horrified, Timothy looked confused, and Lavi looked...like he was trying to look innocent and not laugh.

"Pirate? Why d'ya shove me? The juice wen' all ovuh Mistuh Link's face!" Red stated, rather obviously.

"Oh, no. I'm sorry. I was just trying to reassure you by giving you a pat on the back," Lavi explained, sounding as if he had rehearsed those lines. The faint smile on his lips did not help his case.

"It's fine. It's fine." Link repeated, as if it were his mantra (sound familiar?). "It's fine. I'll just get a new set of clothes and I'll be fine." Link glowered at the cheekily grinning Lavi. The Crow stood up with the aid of the Bookman and immediately fell back down onto his hands and knees.

"Ergh," Link grunted. "My foot's asleep."

"What?" Timothy asked. "How did it fall asleep? You've only been on the floor for two minutes tops."

"Oh," Red and Lavi said at the same time.

"I' was th' juice," Red explained to the slightly confused Timothy.

"I can't even walk properly," Link fretted from where he had finally stood up, putting no weight on his asleep right foot. "I should just get Reever to make a panacea. A literal one. But how am I supposed to walk, let alone guard Red?"

"Let's not worry about that right now. How about I walk you over to the Science Department?" Lavi said. Without waiting for an answer, he put Link's arm over his shoulder and guided him out of the cafeteria. Lavi turned around at the door and winked at Red and Timothy. Then they left with Lavi ignoring Link's incessant squabbling.

Timothy and Red looked at each other with giant smiles and high-fived each other for a job well done.

.o.

Too soon, Link was cured of all his ailments. Reever had cured him without any questions; for _some_ unknown reason, Red had gotten his hands on some miscellaneous vials, and _no_, Reever did _not_ tell the boy which ones weren't fatal. Th-that's just crazy. Hehe...

So Link was back to work stalking Red around the Order and even restricting access to some places. The one place where Red _was_ allowed a semblance of privacy was in the bathroom.

And, of course, Red took full advantage of that.

"Mistuh Link, can I go ta th' loo?" Red asked as he tugged on the hem of Link's shirt.

"Where?" Link asked, still learning to break the language barrier.

"Th', um, bathroom? I think tha's wha' ya call i'," Red said. _Ya wazzock_, he added in his mind. He forced a smile on his face. _Seriously, 'ow do people do this all th' time? Smilin' and bein' 'appy all the damned time is 'ard._

"Sure. It's this way," Link said, walking in a seemingly aimless direction.

_Yeah, I know where th' bloody bathroom is, ya arsehole. I _have_ pissed in th' week o' so I've been in this fuckin' 'ellhole. I hate actin' like a helpless li'l sprog. I's uttuhly ridiculous! An' then Nesh is ovuh 'ere askin' me why I don't cry. 'Cause I don' wanna, ya poxy ankle-bituh! I'm stressin' ou'; I need ta breath some fresh air soon. All this madness is gettin' ta my head._

Eventually, they reached their destination and Red rushed inside, while Link politely (thankfully) waited outside. Red dropped the cherubic smile and replaced it with an evil, manipulative grin that didn't belong on an eight year old's face.

He set to work, pulling materials out of his sleeve, where he had professionally stashed them. Stretching his arms and crouching down, he placed the trap and silently thanked that Johnny guy for creating (and lending) this incredibly useful material. Finally done, he hid the evidence and waited for the distraction. Faintly, he heard it; Timothy had went up to the Crow outside of the bathroom and talked about generic things for a good minute or two. Timothy left soon thereafter and Red set the final part into motion.

"Ahhhh!" he shouted. Almost two milliseconds passed before he heard the door swinging open and the Crow sprung the trap.

It was Link's turn to scream. "Wha-Ahhh! Oomph!"

Link had run into the plastic material covering most of the door area. It wrapped around his body, effectively pinning his arms to his body and his legs together, stopping at his shoulders so his neck and head were free. The now defenseless man lay on the floor, with no way to free himself.

"Red? Why did you put this up here?" Link asked angrily, but his glare's power was diminished by the fact that he was on the floor of a bathroom.

"I-I didn'! Bu' I heard th' door open," Red offered. Link inwardly cursed. Those few minutes where he was talking to Timothy could've been when the perpetrator had left the bathroom.

"Okay, but why did you shout?" Link asked, trying to pull his arms out of the plastic at the same time. But it was no use, there was an adhesive side to the material.

"Oh, um, there was a spiduh..." Red developed a fascination with the floor and started fidgeting, avoiding eye contact with the handicapped Crow.

If Link could've facepalmed, he would have.

"I'll go get help!" Red suggested. Before Link could say anything, the door was swinging shut, leaving him on the floor.

"Hurry back!" Link yelled to deaf ears. He groaned and put his face on the floor in defeat, ignoring any hygiene concerns.

.x.

Kanda strolled down the hallway. He was honestly not very surprised that he had gotten off easily punishment-wise; nobody likes Rouvelier. Nobody. All Kanda had had to deal with was four days in the dungeon underneath the Order. No problem. But it _had_ created a strong feeling of boredom, and the only remedy he could think of was sleeping in his bed, and that was where he was heading straight towards. Until he saw Chibi Moyashi.

Red was walking towards Kanda, holding his sides and laughing his heart out. Naturally, Kanda doesn't like the sound of happiness.

"What's so funny, Brat?" Kanda asked harshly.

"Ya should see fo' yaself, Tranny," Red smirked. He was in such a good mood, he didn't even feel like fighting with Kanda? What was so funny that could possibly cause that?

"Tch. Like I have time for that," Kanda scoffed. Even though he basically had nothing BUT time. "Anyways, where's your babysitter? I'm surprised he let a little boy like you run around with a chaperone." _C'mon, Brat. I'm bored; fight me. _Kanda thought to himself.

"Hahaha!" Red started laughing again. "C-check th' loo down th' hall!" he gasped. He dug in his pocket for a second and pulled out the desired item. A camera. " 'ere ya go, Tranny!" Red tossed the camera to Kanda who easily caught it with one hand. "Make sure ta take lots o' pictures, alrigh'?" Red laughed again and walked down the hall.

"Well..._sigh_. Why not," Kanda grumbled to himself, and he walked ahead to the previously stated designation. He stood in front of the door and softly pushed it open a crack. The sight in there would've made any normal creature laugh, but Kanda being Kanda merely raised his eyebrows in respect to Red and his ingenuity.

Kanda thought to himself as he held up the camera, _Ugh. I can't believe that Brat dragged me into this. But...I'm already here, so I might as well..._ He snapped a picture, silently cursing himself as the shutter made a loud click.

"Hello? Whoever's there, can you provide some assistance? I'm currently unable to do anything about this," Link said with the frustration clear in voice. But he was speaking to an empty room, the door swinging shut before he even finished.

"H-hey! Wait, come back!" but Kanda ignored the cries for help as he swept down the hallway, with a new-found respect towards the Brat.

.o.

Red played around for almost a half hour before finally remembering that he was "getting help" for the Crow. He dragged Lavi, who had been the one he was messing around with in the first place. They quickly freed Link, who stood up and dusted himself off. It was obvious he was trying to regain some of his dignity, but his efforts were undermined by the floor imprint crossing his face.

"What took you so long, Red?" Link asked haughtily.

Red looked down at his feet and put his hands behind his back. "I-I go' los'..."

Lavi stepped in to help. "I found him wandering around on the other side of the Order." The Pirate looked down endearingly at the small boy and attempted to ruffle his hair, but Red habitually dodged his hand.

Unsurprisingly, Link was still upset, and Red did his best to sell the "naive little boy who feels threatened by large buildings" angle, and by the end of the day, Link's resolve had softened. Mostly because of those giant silver eyes. _It was just an accident. Allen Walker has always been accident-prone; now it seems like that's rubbing off onto me..._

But Link's willpower was constantly being tested by all of Red's "accidents".

"Mistuh Link! D'ya wanna play a game?" Red asked, as eager as a starving puppy. The two were in the cafeteria, as usual, and Link had been planning on bringing Red into the library for a nice and _quiet_ day of reading. But fate wouldn't have it.

"Well, Red..." Link began, looking away.

"Please, Mistuh Link? Pretty please?" Link's eyes were drawn to the boy's whining voice, and he looked at Red's face, which was a mistake. Red's silver eyes were huge, and just staring up at him as if he wanted nothing else in the world except to play with the Crow. Link felt a sigh bubbling up in the back of his throat, but he pushed it down.

"Sure, Red. I'll play with you." Link was already regretting it, but the smile that graced Red's face made up for it a bit.

"Thank ya, Mistuh Link!" And with that, Red ran off. Link stared after the boy, who ran over to Jerry's counter and leaned over it, talking to the cook. The conversation only lasted a few seconds, and soon, Red was running back to Link, somehow balancing two full cups of water in his right hand. Link stiffened at the sight of the cups, but relaxed when he remembered that Jerry had given him the liquid. And Jerry never allowed anyone to tamper with anything that came out of his kitchen.

"Okay, then. Si' ovuh 'ere, Mistuh Link," Red said as he gestured towards a table. Link went over and swung his legs over the benches so he was facing the table with his legs underneath it. Red climbed onto the bench across from the Crow, still balancing the water glasses in his one small hand.

"Now pu' ya hands face down on th' table, alrigh'?" Red smiled up at Link who inwardly sighed again and did as he was told. Red put one cup on the backs of each of Link's hands, balancing them perfectly. Soon, Link had two cups of water on both of his hands.

"Okay, now I-" Red broke off and looked towards the door.

"What's wrong?" Link asked.

"Oh, Mistuh Komui's callin' me!" Red jumped away from the table and scurried off to the cafeteria door...leaving Link at the table.

"W-wait, Red!" Link called, slightly worried.

"I'll be back real soon; don' worry Mistuh Link!" Red called back as he left the room.

"But...the cups are still on my hands..." Link trailed off. He stared at the source of the predicament, the water cups. 'How do I get these things off of me?' He experimentally tried lifting his hands, but when he even slightly moved them, they wobbled violently, threatening to spill.

He instantly tried bringing it back to a balanced point, sighing as he tried to think of another solution. _I could get someone's help._ He looked around, keeping his arms as steady as possible, but saw no one nearby. _It's undignified, but I can call for Jerry_. He tch-ed at the though of shouting across the room; only obnoxious people do that*. _I really don't have another option here._

Link cleared his throat and said, rather loudly, "Jerry!" He blushed and looked around, but nobody payed him any mind.

"That's a good thing and a bad thing," Link sighed again. "I _could_ just wait for Red to get back, but knowing him, he probably got lost again."

Link glared at the cups again. _I'm going to get hygrophobia (fear of liquids) at this rate._ He felt his heart sink at the thought of what he had to do. He decided to try and do it in such a way that there was minimal...wetness. _I could probably throw them into the air, but that's worse than yelling during a conversation. Whatever, I'l just do it._ And he did.

The cups tipped over, and the water quickly spilled over the side of the table. He jumped to his feet and tried to move out of the way, but wasn't fast enough to avoid all of it. Link stood a good distance away and looked down at his now wet pants, that conveniently had a giant dark spot on his crotch area.

"Of course," Link grumbled. The Crow was very frustrated with the world and only became more so when he realized he could've just knocked one cup over and then used his free hand to _calmly_ pick up the other cup. Too late for that now.

And his frustration level skyrocketed when Red strolled in not seconds later.

"Mistuh Link! Wha...? D'ya have an acciden'?" Red whispered.

"What? No!" Link cried indignantly. "I had to get out from under the cups somehow. And it just happened to spill on this area."

"Why d'ya have ta ge' ou' from unduh th' cups? I told ya I was comin' righ' back," Red said. But instead of him looking slightly hurt from Link's lack of trust in him, he looked a bit smug, as if a plan of his...had succeeded... Link's frown lines deepened as he thought of an impossible possibility.

"I was afraid you might get lost again," Link said slowly, watching for the kid's reaction. But Red now looked appropriately insulted. _I must have been imagining that. There's no way he could be planning all of these situations. Him _and_ Walker are much too polite for that._

_But...I have to make sure..._ And Link thought up a plan of his own.

.o.

Red was missing, _again_, and Link couldn't find him in the cafeteria for once. Link was searching through every room of the Black Order. And there were a lot. So, he started in the major ones, such as the Infirmary, Komui's Office, the Finder's central, the Library. But there were all completely devoid of any hint of Red. That left one place, arguably the most dangerous place in the entire Order: the Science Department.

Link peaked his head through the door, as he had done with every other room he had checked so far. Slyly, he scanned the room, and saw it completely empty. He knew _something_ was going on, because the Science Department is always stuffed to the gills with panicking scientists.

Link crept into the room, and slowly made his way towards the back, where he could now hear laughter and groans coming from.

"Oh, c'mon! You've got to be cheating! He's got to be cheating, Cromwell! Can you see it?" Some miscellaneous scientist.

"Nah, Sydney. You just suck!" One of the Finders, Cromwell.

"I thought a little kid like you wouldn't even know what poker is! How are you doing this?!" Sydney again.

"Jus' luck o' th' draw, mate." Link recognized that voice.

Red.

Link was out of sight from all of the gamblers, but still instinctively hid his reaction by turning his head. _I knew it._ But Link felt no pride at his discovery; it was shameful enough that an eight year old had been tricking him for so long.

"Call."

Some fwipping of cards.

A stifling pause as everyone considered their options. Then...

"Royal flush," Red declared with a huge smile in his voice.

More groans and laughter, mostly at Sydney's expense.

"I'm done! I know you've got something up your sleeve, but I respect you too much for being able to pull it off so well. But you've got all my money. I'm backing out!" Groans from the audience as their entertainment ended.

"Anyone else wanna play? Someone who ain' so _chicken_?" Red teased. The crowd oo-ed, and chairs were being rearranged as more people sat down to play. Link decided it was time to make an entrance.

"No, Red. You're done too," Link declared as he stepped out from the bookshelf he had been hiding behind. Immediately, the entire scene froze, as each of the Finders and Scientists realized there was an Inspector in the midst of an unallowed gambling ring. Then, just as suddenly, they went into action, scrambling for the exit. Sydney tossed some more money onto the table and scurried out of the lab. Cromwell tossed up his hood as if he wouldn't be recognized, and followed behind the crowd of Finders. Most of the scientists turned and left the corner and tried to play it off as if they didn't know what had been going on. Some were smarter than that and fled the scene altogether. One of the scientists even used a mini smoke bomb.

Red sat in the middle of the chaos, looking resigned as he put his feet on the table and leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head. All of the money was gone, presumably into Red's pockets and sleeves. He was waiting for the pandemonium to settle so he and Link could have a nice and "civil" chat.

Eventually, the room became calm, and Red and Link stared each other down. They were both slightly astounded; Link because of how badly Red had fooled him, and Red because of how long it took Link to find out. They sat/stood in tense silence, both waiting for the other to start talking.

Red took the initiative. "So, Mistuh Link. Whatcha thinkin'?" Red teased with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

"I'm thinking that I'm very...surprised," Link answered haltingly.

"Well, 'm glad tha' ya finally figured i' ou'. I's hard bein' '_Allen_' all th' damned bloody time. Bu' i' was funny 'ow many times we convinced ya ta drink all tha' nasty 'juice'. Ya a bit thick, ya stalkuh. D'ya know tha'?"

Link was still startled at the complete one-eighty Red's personality had taken. And it was obvious that everyone else in the order knew about this; that's why Lavi was covering for Red all the time. But he knew that he wasn't going to stand here and let an eight year old boy boss him around.

"You know what else I'm thinking? Allen Walker was a rude little brat when he was a child," Link harshed. Red didn't even flinch. No, instead, he grinned.

Grinned.

As if he had been waiting for this moment a long time.

Red hopped off of his chair and strolled towards the Crow, his hands casually in his pockets.

"Here's a bi' o' advice fo' ya. Don' declare a war ya know ya can' win. Oh, and remember tha' I can hur' you, bu' you can' bloody well hurt me withou' havin' a bunch o' Exorcists up on ya arse. Don' be a wazzock...or a snitch," Red added as an afterthought.

Link smirked himself, in his own Crow-y way. No, he wouldn't tell Rouvelier; not yet. First, he had to win this war. There's just something about getting outfoxed by an eight year old that made you fiercely protective of your dignity. "I can't outwardly hurt you, Red. But know this: there are _so_ many ways to make a murder look like an accident."

Red, not even slightly fazed by the thinly veiled threat, walked past Link pulling a piece of paper out of his sleeve and taping it to Link's back.

"Well, believe i' o' not, 'm _very _good a' avoidin' '_acciden's_'. Trus' me; many people 'ave tried ta kill me," Red said nonchalantly.

Link's eyebrow twitched at his cool and collected personality. He was on the verge of retorting when he thought of something.

"Were you really cheating at poker?" Link asked, seemingly out of the blue.

In response, Red smirked and a deck of cards appeared in his hand. He shuffled them and pulled five cards off of the top and spread them in his hand. He showed them to Link: another royal flush.

"Ya could say 'm cheatin'. I like ta say tha' 'm jus' skilled," Red said.

"Gambling is one thing; cheating is another," Link said, complete disapproval marring his face.

"Catch me if ya can, Mistuh Link," Red said playfully. He quickly left the lab and ran down the halls.

Link smiled evilly as he imagined all of the things he could do to the boy if they were left alone for any amount of time. Unfortunately, even with all of his Crow training, he didn't notice the slip of paper attached to his back.

But Sidney, who had returned, did, and pulled out the camera that had been circulating around the Science Department, deciding that if any moment was picture-worthy, it was this one. The shutter made a light clicking noise, and Sydney hurriedly turned around and reviewed the picture, more specifically, the words currently taped to Link's back:

_Foxes eat Crows for lunch. Hugs and kisses, Red;)_

The war had begun.

* * *

**bugger off=fuck off**

**sprog=baby between 2 and 3 years old**

**poxy=crappy**

**ankle-biter(ankle-bituh)=child**


End file.
